Marked • Tom Riddle

His Luck

   I knew what I had to do. 

   Or at least I think I did.

   When the doctor had told Tom it was much too soon to determine if I was with child, he had grown so livid, so monstrous that I had worried for the doctor's life. Afraid for his well-being, the doctor had offered to run a few tests in hopes he might discover if I was truly with child. That had been enough to dampen some of Tom's anger, and when I'd offered my opinion, he did not care to listen. He was insistent that I was pregnant and there was a small part of me that worried of the aftermath if it happened that I was not.

   That was yesterday and after a long, restless night of pondering my future with Tom, about his manipulation, about a baby, I had come to a rather honest opinion - I did not know enough to form any kind of decision about my future. I was stuck here - a woman trapped in the small blip of time after her marriage and before any progression towards a stable future. I was lost, feeling as though I had become the world's plaything, a simple doll with no autonomy. Things were happening to me. I had no urgency on things. And I hated it.

   Tom had said my marriage to him had given me power... but under what pretenses? I could exercise it in ways he would allow, but there were certain things I knew he would refuse, so what good was this power if it was not my own? If it could only be enacted when he deemed it fit? And this child. It was not as though I did not want it... if I even had it, but if I made the decision that perhaps now was not the best time to go through with a pregnancy, would he allow me the power to exercise my right? A right that I had before I even married him? Before I'd even spoken to him? Would he even let me voice my hesitancies?

   I did not think so, so what had come from my restless night was not a decision about my future, but a choice to finally uncover the truth about what had happened that night. I did not know whether the truth would help me in any aspect of my life, but it would certainly help me reconnect with a sense of control. And that was all I really needed right now.

   Maybe I was selfish and maybe he was right in stating I did not know the value of happiness, but what difference did that make? He could not decide what made me happy or sad or angry. And if I was selfish in wanting to know what had occurred to my very being that night, then fine I was selfish. I was the most selfish woman on the planet. And this selfish, unhappy, powerless woman could not continue her relationship without knowing the truth, without knowing what he had done and why. I wouldn't.

   I would not put my future in his hands....

   But maybe I needed to put my fate in luck's hands.

   Maybe I needed to trust in Felix.

   Scrutinizing the vial in my hand, I watched the murky liquid twinkle under the light. Felix Felicis was not a potion I had much experience with - the likelihood of becoming addicted was much too high, but desperate times called for desperate measures. So, I popped open the cork and downed the liquid in one large sip.

   Merlin... Blueberries and lavender with a strong afterbite of orange peel - a delicious and addictive taste with a bitter warning to shock the senses. I felt my body warm with an intense sensation of euphoria, excitement, and a calming certainty that I could achieve anything and everything. This world was made for me. And I had all the tools I needed within myself to accomplish anything I put my mind to and the people around me were just a means to do it.

   Was this what being a narcissist felt like? Because Merlin I should have been a narcissist. I would have been so happy as a narcissist. Like Mother. But Merlin's beard, she was never happy.