Our Nerdy Brother [Brotherly ff]

12

This was the nth time I was frustrated this day. Not my fault in this. I...I feel captured. But not to mention I started all, so like it's you clear the mess you create.

But it's getting suffocating. There is absolute no privacy for me. All I get to do alone is be in the bathroom that too just for 5 mins.
Other than that I am captured.

Ugh!! They fucking left their work for me and stays the day with me and...to be honest it makes me cut more.

I get more attention to it and not distracted.
I accept I haven't cut since 10 days which is the longest I stayed clean but it actually drives me crazy.

"God damn it! I need to cut" I groaned to myself lowly so that the bunny beside me watching a thriller shit doesn't get to know my ideas.

"Did you say umm something?" Jungkook Hyung asked as I started fiddling. I needed it severely.

"Y..eah..yeah I..am alright" I managed to say but my hands kept scratching my old cuts.

"WHAT in the world you are doing?" He gasped and pulled my hands away after eying on what I was doing.
Instantly repeated the act and I saw the hurt and angry expression on his face. He doesn't understand. Noone stops at a time.

"Hyun-g pleas-e I have been clean for 10 days. I need- it!" I begged and he widened his eyes understanding what I was indicating to.

Taking a deep breath, Hyung took me in his arms. The warmth did not help much. But it soothed me.

"Shh. Bub, you are brave right? Hmm? You're Hyungie's strong boy! Now when Tae hyungie comes from the grocery, why not we go for a ride? Like to a beach?" He distracted me and I followed his breathing.

The urges weren't gone but the thought of the waves and the cold air hitting my face, brought me to calm down.

Was it easy when I get help?

It's isn't like that! You cannot be a burden on them forever. They'll kick you out if it goes for long. Cutting is all that can help you.

My inner conscious reminded me and it was true.

Pulling back, I wiped away the tears on my left cheek and fixed myself before saying" I am sor-ry. Can I go to the lawn? Pleas-e? You can come along. Just- please don't be with me. I mean I wanna be alone. It's har-d for me- too" I sobbed and hoped for a 'yes'.

He looked a bit uncertain but nodded.
Getting up, I wore my home slippers and went to the lawn and layed on the grass.

The grass crumbled making a sound as Jungkook Hyung layed a blanket on the grass and sat on it with a book in his hand. Not so close but enough for him to see me completely.

It was bad but I caused all of it without thinking about the consequences.

It felt good isn't it?
I asked myself.

Obivously it did. You doubt it?

My answer was a 'no' ofcourse. I still think about the pleasure.

I needed to find a way.

You sure have to. Be a good and smart boy.

____________________________________

I know it was short but my body is aching and I feel a bit low so please bare with it. I hate getting sick ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

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Bye bye!
Stay healthy and Safe!
Drink water and stay hydrated.
It's winter ig so keep yourself warm and cozy and don't get sick.

Remember you are loved and cared<333
And yeah it always helps when you ask for help. I know it's hard but you can get through it for sure 💖<3