. . .
She was asleep. I couldn't sleep. The image of her face, covered with tears and the sound of her sobs wouldn't leave me. She didn't fucking deserve to feel that way. I slowly untangled myself from her and set Teddy Baby in my place. I walked out of the room and entered mine. I reached under the mattress and pulled out my knife. I sat at the edge of the bed and took off my shirt.
Blue dealt with her guilt with tears. I dealt with mine with blood. My wounds had healed, but I dug my knife into them anyway. I knew where to cut to make sure there wouldn't be too much bleeding. I knew how deep I could cut. I bandaged myself and washed my hands and knife, feeling tension finally escape me. I didn't like intentionally weakening myself when I needed to make sure Blue was protected, but I hated the idea of her seeing me lose it.
I went back to bed, throwing Teddy Baby away and tucking her to my side.
"Where did you go?" She asked, snuggling into me like it was natural. Like I deserved her.
"Water," I lied and closed my eyes.
But I didn't sleep.
. . .
I told Giovanni and Fabiano what Olivia had said to Blue. They needed to know we had to keep more of our attention on Alisa. More than ever. Till now, she had only been an inconvenience. Now, she was a threat. A threat to Blue.
There was no worse crime in my book.
Blue and I avoided each other in the penthouse. We ate together and we slept in the same bed because we had gotten used to it, but we didn't look at each other. I had cut myself too much. I needed to heal a bit and then lie to her about getting the cuts in a fight when she eventually saw me naked.
She threw herself into writing. She didn't look at me. I longed for her eyes but I knew I'd avoid them.
After every time I cut myself, I felt this shame and heard my father's voice in my mind, telling me I wasn't man enough to be Capo. A man deals with his emotions without making a fuss about them.
I knew that was all bullshit.
But I still felt it.
I entered the penthouse after another meeting with Dimitri Bykov, the man we had been supporting in taking down Alexi. Blue was in the kitchen, watching something really closely on her laptop with a...mess around her.
I took off my suit jacket and walked to her. She looked up at me and gave me a shy smile.
"Hey," she said, pausing the video. "I...I am baking."
"Good. I thought we got robbed."
She narrowed her eyes, pointing a finger at me. "Mean."
I chuckled and stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her. "How are you?"
"I am okay. I...I talked to Sebastian today."
I didn't think I'd ever be able to not be angry at that man. "And?"
"And, Henry and Sebastian are getting married."
I paused. "What?"
"Yes." She laughed, turning around. She looked so happy for her friend. "They are getting married in a few weeks when we return to Venice. Isn't that amazing?"
"It is." Maybe this will help with not wanting to throttle Sebastian. Maybe.
"I am to be the best woman or person. I don't know yet." She grinned up at me, finally coming alive after days of living like a ghost.
"You definitely are the best person." I kissed her face. "Do you want to get married?"
She froze. "What?"
I lifted my shoulder in a shrug. "Is that something you'd like to do?"
"Get married to you?"
My eyes narrowed. I wrapped my hand around her neck, squeezing once. She gasped. "Who else, Blue?"
"I don't think we know each other enough, Dante," she gently said, making no move to get my hand off her neck. She liked it there. Her eyes had gotten shy.
I frowned. "What do you need to know?"
She wrapped her hand around my wrist. "We have peace when we are together, but everything around us is shit. We have barely said a word to each other this past week because we don't know how to deal with ourselves or each other. We both tend to shut down. And you are hiding a mountain of secrets. I won't get married when we are like this."
I let go of her, digging my teeth into my cheek till I tasted blood. Relief. Shame. But relief. "You won't like my secrets."
"I don't have to like them. I just...I just have to know them. I don't want to demand them, either. Whenever you feel like talking, I am here." She rubbed her arms up and down, embracing herself. "When..." She hesitated. "I know you when you look at me. But as soon as you look away it's like looking at a stranger."
I bit harder, more blood flowing into my mouth. "I have done things that will send you running, Blue. I am not a good man."
"You...You are good to me."
"I've been terrible to others."
"To whom?"
Bit harder. "My brothers." And many more.
She frowned. "Igor made you hurt them. He made you."
I stared at her. "I could have killed myself instead." Instead of hurting them when our parents asked me to. Instead of hurting them when Igor asked me to. I had hurt my sister, too. I had hurt all of them. All of them.
Her eyes widened. "Dante-"
"I'll be back later."
I walked out of the penthouse, ignoring her calls. She was there, standing with tears streaming down her beautiful face as the elevator doors shut.
. . .
It's so cold that my knees are cold. My knees. Wtf.
Dante is so baby to me fr. I just want to cuddle that man to death.
Anywaysssss, thots?
Feelings?
Your dad's number?
. . .
Chapter - 56 All of them
Start from the beginning
