ᏆᎷᏢᏌᎡᏆᎢᏆᎬᏚ| jihyuckxoc

/07/

(Bold is in Chinese)

Haechan lay down glaring at the ceiling, while the younger next to him slept with tears rolling down his face.

Haechan truly hated how soft-hearted the younger was, he wanted the younger to be angry and be cold for as long as he could, not care for his minor problem.

Haechan knew that his words left a scar that may never heal, it was as if he changed every cell within his DNA. He no longer tried to make friends or speak much, he always tried to hide his face by keeping his bangs long, he stopped laughing, and the thing he was so passionate about and became insecure about his writing. It's because of him he lived every day with a sense of hesitation and anxiety.

Although it was wrong, Donghyuck found where he kept his diary hidden and in it, he wrote things that made him wish he could go back in time.

Jisung hated himself.

He sighed heavily, he's been trying to act like nothing had ever happened throughout their entire summer break, but he realized too late that it didn't do anything to help.

"Hyuck?"

He looks away from the ceiling and looks at Jisung or his back, he hums in reply.

"Can you sing something?"

***

"So, how are we feeling?"

Seorin sat next to him with a frown while he had an excited grin on his face. She was going to turn 20 in a week. Meaning she would get the initials of her soulmate.

"It's whatever, it's just a part of life," she shrugged, nonchalant. Renjun frowns at that.

"Why, what's wrong?" He asks, his voice dripping with sweetness that made her want to spill all her secrets.

"It's nerve-wracking, I don't think I'll meet their expectations," she says instead of mentioning the fact that it was because she was fat.

"Then don't, meet your expectations," he says which wasn't helpful but she still sent him a grateful smile.

She already knew her soulmates would reject her but she couldn't help but still think she wanted to impress whoever it was.

She sat down in the corner of her bedroom, opening a fresh package for her. She had bought some diet pills from a weight loss-promoting website last week, she was going to rely on it to reduce her appetite, and hopefully, she could drop from 20 to 40 pounds in a week.

Walking on an empty stomach for half an hour before breakfast was great for burning fat, so the next morning she dressed in appropriate attire and began her walk. Of course, it wasn't a normal walk, she started to slow then gradually began to increase her pace.

She let her playlist motivate her as she kept the fast pace, when the timer for 30 minutes wore off she was breathing heavily, feeling her thighs and belly burning making her smile at the satisfaction, it was so satisfactory that eating breakfast would ruin it.

So she made herself a fruit and veggie smoothie, lying to her mother about eating her breakfast.

Again, she had to bear riding the same bus with her future brother-in-laws yet much to her relief Chenle didn't show up at her stop. After her first class, however, Renjun and Chenle waited for her.

"Is it going to take long?" She whispers, her brother wanted to take her to his university to eat at the cafeteria there. Luckily, his university was a 4 minute walk away.

By now she had learned of everyone in his brother's friend group, but she didn't understand why he was so insistent he sat down with him. Who eats lunch with their sibling's friends? It was awkward as fuck and she felt out of place.

You've got six men in healthy relationships, far from ugly then there was her, who stuck out like a pustule. She felt like the biggest loser.

In high school when she tried making friends with girls, she realized the only way to get liked was by being funny, she was always the fat and funny friend who was a supportive side piece for girls who were the main characters in the school.

Then with boys, they wouldn't bat an eye and consider her as 'one of the homies' because she wasn't to be looked at with rose-tinted lenses. As of now, she had accepted her fate, she was never going to be THAT girl, although it hurt waking up every day and looking in the mirror.

She looked up from her salad which she had barely eaten, the indigo-haired was quietly staring at her, his eyes widening a nanosecond, and quickly looked away, fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat.

Seorin smiles bitterly, knowing why he was staring. Of course, seeing someone fat eat salads would look odd. She stared at his food and saw that he had a lot.

She always was jealous of people like him. What did they do to get a high metabolism like that? While with her, a sip of water will make her bloat like a water balloon.

What truly made her cry and made every cell of her being screech in tremendous pain was the fact that everyone in her family was skinny, except her. She got her relatives' genes.

She put her fork down, no longer having the courage to eat. She had to find a new friend group, even if they were ghosts because she could not deal with this level of anxiety every day. Being around the opposite gender made her self-conscious.

"Renjun," she gently tugs at his arm, speaking in Mandarin. "I'm going to head back," she whispers.

He looks confused. "Why? Do you still have some time before your next class? We can go together?" He suggests.

She shakes her head, a slight glare appearing. "I don't feel comfortable sitting here with a bunch of strangers," she hissed, hoping he finally understood. She stood and walked away, only Jeno and Chenle noticing.

***

She's been feeling the pangs of hunger all day, remembering the pills she got, she took one hoping it would ease her hunger. When she reached home, she decided to have an adventure of her own around dinner time, so she walked into town.

It was a wrong decision. Not only was it very busy, brimming with shops and people everywhere, there was food all around her.

Food stalls
Boba shops
Fast food
Korean BBQ
Sushi
You name it.

She entered a pretty-looking café mindlessly, her feet fueled by hunger and moving her towards it.

She stood before the display of several different assortments and sweets, her eyes watered at how beautiful they look, it would be a crime to eat such pretty pastries.

"Welcome to Moon's Bean and Bake, would you like any assistance?"

"No thank you," she smiles, observing how one of the cakes was covered with candied fruit. She froze, feeling that the worker was staring at her, she looked up and became mortified.

It was Jisung, the indigo-haired. His face turns into one of surprise and it immediately kills her appetite, she shouldn't get so excited over sweets, it didn't look good on her.

She turns around to leave.

"Wait!"

She was internally crying. She turns back with a strained smile. He holds a tray of fruit tarts.

"Would you like a sample before you go?"

She felt like a fish chasing a hook in that moment, while he stood there anticipating her to take the hook, hiding an inner glee. She walks out...

By the time it was bedtime, she was too hungry, but she didn't want to give up so easily for the sake of her sleep, she made herself another smoothie, drinking its contents till it filled her stomach.