ᏆᎷᏢᏌᎡᏆᎢᏆᎬᏚ| jihyuckxoc

/01/

She stared at clothes lying around her room in a mess. She was trying hard to find an outfit that she would feel comfortable in. Some tops fitted her too well and she didn't like that, she hated how her arms looked flabby in fitted tops and how her belly protruded. The fat went to her chest and hips which she also hated with great might, she hated how noticeable her curves were, it made her feel queasy at the thought of someone staring at her butt or chest, and it filled her with anxiety.

But she had to make sure her clothes were not too baggy or she'd look even bigger considering the fact her shoulders were wide and broad.

On top of that she had thighs like the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, she badly wished they'd social distance like the North and South Poles.

Here were her rules when it came to clothing...

1) fitted yet loose tops that were long enough to cover her thighs

2) V-neck or A-line tunics for shoulders and covering hips.

3) Wide-legged or flared pants or sweatpants

4) Avoid jeans and short clothing at all cost

5) Only wear dark colors... maybe a little pink

She stared in the mirror and frowned. Despite wearing her favorite loose sweatpants and hoodie, she could still see her belly protruding, in the mirror she still looked fat. She sucked her tummy in and stood straight, angling her face to show off her jawline which was softened with fat. She frowned at her face, especially her cheeks.

"Are you ready, Mei-ling? Oh my, what is this mess? We have to leave for the airport now!" her mother gasped at the sight.

She gave a sheepish smile and quickly shoved her clothes back in the suitcase she stood up and saw that her mother was waiting impatiently.

"Mom, don't call me Mei-ling. We'll be living in South Korea now, I am now Seorin."

Her mother sighs, looking at her in disappointment. "You used to love the name so much last year, you still hate it?"

"I still hate that name," she declares but her mother didn't care to pick up the venomous tone as she was now dragging their suitcases to their taxi driver.

She sighed as soon as the bags were in and looked back at the house that they were going to put up for rent.

"Take a picture, sweety. We won't be back for a long time."

She stared at the house bitterly and felt relieved that she was leaving instead, this house, this town, this city. She didn't want to be back for a long time. She would join the rest of her family who moved there years ago due to work.

As they drove towards the airport, her mother smiled at her, patting her head. "We're going to start a new life, honey. Let's start anew and make many good memories."

She smiles back, loving how positive her mother was, it was a pretty trait of hers.

"Who knows? Maybe you'll find your soulmate there," her mom elbows her teasingly. Her hands scratched into the leather of her seat, straining a forced smile back.

"Sure thing, mom."

If she were to truly express how she felt, her mother would break into a rant, so she took it lightly. Only if she knew how she felt inside, but she was innocent and pure-hearted, it's best she keeps things to herself.

***

At her new home, her older brother and Baba were waiting. She was crushed with a hug twice as her father dragged in their suitcases.

"We've been waiting! Quickly freshen up and come to eat, we made your favorite dishes," her brother urged, before running outside to assist their father in dragging in more suitcases.

All her things were kept in a room for her, and she marveled at the room. It was bigger than her previous one and had a nice window with a view of a body of water on the horizon before a meadow. She looked back and noticed that she had a bathroom to herself as well, making her smile at ease. As a woman, sharing a bathroom with other men wasn't her cup of tea and she'll be living with her entire family now.

She moved boxes around, opened a few that she believed were necessary, and took a quick shower before coming downstairs. Her mother was there too, setting their new table.

"Come sit here," Renjun pointed to the spot between him and mother. At the table she ate very slowly, taking small bites, she could feel her father's gaze on her as she did so she made sure she didn't look improper as she ate.

"It's nice to see you again, sunshine," he smiles, and she smiles back, coming to a bit of ease although she did notice him staring at the amount of food she took earlier.

"It's nice to see you too, Dad. You too Baba, this house is nice."

They break into grins and then start to talk about their plans for the house and all the benefits it brought them, she listens attentively, and she likes seeing the happiness on their faces. When dinner was done, she volunteered to do the dishes since she felt like she needed to apologize for eating so much. They gathered in the living room to spend time together, her mother briefly stepped into the kitchen.

She reflected on what her fathers felt about her being fat, she wanted to cry at the thought of how disappointed they were to have a daughter who was overweight and average in her studies. At least they had a handsome, fit, and talented son.

Her older brother was amazing. He can study well, sing,  dance, cook, do karate, and paint, and goes to a high-class university where he studies law, he is impressive.

Whereas she would attend a public college where she was studying Education and child care, she wanted to work with kids in the future and be a teacher. Thinking about attending college soon made her sigh, she looked down and released the strain she put to tuck in her stomach.

She barely ate yet she was already bloated. She turned the kettle on to make herself some green tea and while the water heated, she finished with the last of the dishes. She slipped into the living room with her tea, feeling hot from the nervousness of her tummy being noticed.

Oh, how she wished her fat melted and evaporated in thin air...