Forelsket {Dokyeom, DK ff}

Intentions and sacrifices

"Why do you keep giving up on us?" I asked, my voice breaking as tears rolled down my face. "I keep telling you, I'm with you in this, that I'm by your side by whatever means. I just told you, that you're like air to me, I can't live without you. I can't even just exist without you. Why do you make me feel so disposable when something difficult is thrown at us? Why don't you fight it while holding my hand and keeping me by your side? Why!" I screamed the last part as I broke down and so did he.

Silence fell between us and I feared I had made him speechless, I wanted him to say something this time assuring me instead of me assuring him something.

"I'm scared. I am terrified! I lost my last relationship to this scrutiny, my job priorities won and my feelings for my last relationship lost. I'm like air for you? Hana, you are my everything. Letting you go will hurt me less than seeing you suffer in front of my eyes all because of me, why don't you get that? You think that I feel you're disposable? How could you even say that? I didn't fall in love with you because there wasn't anyone else or that there ever will be; but now that I've fallen in love with you, I will never love anyone else, ever. You have no idea how much it hurts to see you lose your life because of me." He sobbed as he spoke "You have no idea, how much it hurts" he murmured in broken voice.

Dokyeom's words cut through the air, heavy with the weight of his own fears and insecurities. I could see the turmoil in his eyes, a battle between his love for me and the fear of history repeating itself.

"Dokyeom," I whispered, reaching out to cup his face gently. "I know you're scared, and I am too. But giving up on us won't make that fear disappear. If anything, it'll haunt us forever. I'm not asking you to be fearless; I'm asking you to be brave with me." 

He looked into my eyes, the vulnerability in his gaze echoing my own. "The point is, I don't want to see you lose anything because of me. I can't bear the thought of you sacrificing for us."

"I'm not sacrificing, Dokyeom. I'm choosing us," I affirmed, my voice steady. "Choosing to face whatever comes our way together. I don't want a life without you. Yes, it's scary, and yes, it's difficult. Even if I lose my job, I am talented and hardworking enough to find another one; but one of these days if I lose you, I am not strong enough to look for love in somebody else because I know I can't find another you. There is no other you. Because no matter how hard it is. No matter what people say. Every time, I'll choose you, but it's up to you to choose me back."

A heavy silence lingered, the unspoken tension filling the room. In the midst of our emotional exchange, Dokyeom, caught in the threads of his own fears, uttered words that cut through the air like a sharp blade.

"I can't promise that I won't hurt you unintentionally," he murmured, his voice laced with a mixture of guilt and resignation as he took a step back.

The weight of his words hit me like a punch to the gut. Hurt flashed across my face, a raw and unfiltered emotion.

He wasn't ready to fight for us?

"You just don't hear what I say; ever. You're not listening, you're never listening to what I say. I am done telling you over and over again, I've been assuring you about us but you've been doubting everything and there is nothing more I can do right now other than telling you please, just stand by me!" I spoke, infuriated at his lack of courage in the moment.

"Because this isn't as easy as it looks! It has already affected your career, it'll affect mine too, for the rest of our lives." he shouted back and then sighed.

Dokyeom's eyes flashed with a mixture of frustration and fear. "You think this is just about careers? It's about more than that, Hana. It's about us, and I can't bear to watch you suffer because of a choice I made. This won't exactly end up as a happily ever after kind."

His words hung heavy in the air, a painful admission that sent a shiver down my spine. I felt the weight of his insecurities pressing down on us, and it became suffocating.

"Of course it won't with you behaving like this! Is that what you want, Dokyeom?" I retorted, my voice trembling with a mixture of hurt and exhaustion. "To bail out when things get tough? I've been fighting for us, but it seems like I'm fighting alone. I can't keep convincing you to believe in us when you're constantly second-guessing. We're going in circles here. I never asked for this to be easy, but I didn't expect you to doubt us so much," I continued, my patience wearing thin. 

"If you're so scared of hurting me unintentionally, maybe it's best that I leave before you do." I said and sighed out of exhaustion.

The room hung in silence for a moment, the words lingering like a bitter aftertaste. I felt a weariness settling in—a tiredness that stemmed not just from the external pressures but from the internal struggle within our relationship.

Without waiting for a response, I grabbed my car keys and purse and headed towards the door. I walked away, leaving the room, the apartment, and Dokyeom behind.

As I slammed the door shut, the echoes of his words lingered, leaving a void between us. Tears streamed down my face, a cascade of emotions that I couldn't contain. In my heartache, the only refuge I sought was the familiar comfort of my sister's house. 

Thank you for reading :)