Love Persist

Kabanata 19 - Even in gloomy skies, the unwavering promise of sunshine remains.

Naalala ko nakabasa ako ng isang article where it was mentioned na ang pagsisinungaling sa isang tao can sometimes be seen as a way upang protektahan ang sarili mula sa pagharap ng mga problema o pagtanggap ng responsibility for the repercussions of wrongdoing o 'di kanais-nais na pangyayari na maaaring nangyari.

Lying is something that has been around for as long as human beings have existed, and I must admit that even I am not immune to it. Kung tutuusin, mahirap makahanap ng isang tao sa mundong ito na matapat na makapagsasabi na hindi sila kailanman nagsinungaling kahit isang beses sa kanilang buhay. Sometimes, we just had to fib a little to keep ourselves going and make it through. There is no way to undo or seek forgiveness without genuine repentance, regardless of the subject of your lie. But trying to avoid it won't do anything to ease your guilt or regret.

May magagawa pa ba ako? Ang nangyari ay nangyari na.

I didn't do a whole lot of lying. I only lied because it was necessary and I was pressured into it. I lied because I had to. Hindi ko maaari ikuwento ang buong nangyari sa villa. Lalong-lalo na 'yong nangyari noong huling gabi ko roon. Wala akong lakas ng loob para ikuwento sa mga kaibigan ko at wala akong balak na alalahanin pa ang mga nangyari.

So when I reconnected with my friends at school, it was no surprise that our discussions naturally centered around the various experiences and events that occurred during the semestral break. My friends were aware of the people I was with and where I was during that week kasi nakakausap ko sila sa group chat namin. I anticipated that they would inundate me with a lot of questions, but I was grateful na mentally prepared ako to face them. Matagumpay kong nalagpasan ang interrogation nila. I took a page out of the "cool and collected" handbook and tossed around some safe words while they were grilling me, which, I must say, left me feeling pretty damn relieved when they ate it all up, kahit na 'yong part when I convinced them that nothing special happened at the villa, even though there were some seriously wild moments.

"Pansin niyo, we haven't seen Professor Gil around campus since the sembreak. May alam ka ba, Heaven?"

"Huh?" Heidi's question caught me off guard and made me snap my back straight away. "Wala siyang nabanggit sa akin."

I didn't know really.

Pagkatapos ng mga pangyayari ng gabing 'yon, my memory got messy na. Hindi ko na maalala how we returned sa kuwarto namin after swimming. Ang naaalala ko ay kung paano ko inignore si Professor Gil kinabukasan. Noong pauwi na kami hindi ako sumabay sa kanila ni Cerise dahil nagpresenta ako to go with Moli na uuwi na rin but she was using a different car.

I didn't know how to face Professor Gil after what happened. I felt ashamed of myself. I made a mistake, one that I couldn't bear to confront and acknowledge. I didn't want to think about it kaya nga I already prepared myself para iwasan siya.

Tatlong araw na ang nakakalipas at hindi pa nagpapakita si Professor Gil sa amin. Ibig sabihin, tatlong araw na rin siyang hindi pumapasok sa klase namin. Walang sinasabi sa amin 'yong substitute teacher tungkol sa whereabouts ni Professor Gil kasi wala rin namang nagtatanong, e. I was kind of glad about that because I didn't have to exert an effort to avoid her, but at the same time, I was a bit concerned about her. Admittedly though, mas better ang ganito. The longer she was gone, the more time I had to get my act together and brace myself for any potential challenges when she eventually came back.

"Bakit kaya?" Heidi wondered. "I hope pumasok na siya later."

Please lang, 'wag muna. I hope.

My hope just shattered.

Standing in front of us right now, was Professor Gil, looking extra serious and formal right now. Hindi sa sinasabi kong parang may nagbago sa kaniya since she was still sporting her usual demeanor, parang naninibago ako na makita siya after ng ilang araw without seeing her.