Chapter 48

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Alistir won't speak to me. I tried at least a hundred times today. James smiled sadly at me and wouldn't reply to me either.

You know you messed up when even James Griffin won't speak to you. Wariu tried cheering me up. He got me a bouquet of flowers and kissed me again. But my heart wasn't in it.

That's the end of one entry. It's curious how much shorter it is than the previous ones.

I tried again today. He wouldn't so much as look at me. I don't know what he wants from me. I want to stay with Wariu; that's my right. I might as well have spit in my face from how he has treated me these last two days.

I'll try again until he leaves. He's only staying for three more days.

Wariu asked me again to marry him. I said no again.

She must be really hurt. Her earlier entries were a hundred times more descriptive.

Today, he replied. He said, 'I don't want to see you again.'

It felt somehow worse than when he wasn't speaking to me at all. At least James deigned to reply to me.

He spent the day with me, seeing that I was feeling down. 'You're both idiots, and you're too greedy for your own good. He would've given you the world on a silver platter, you know that, right?'

Leave it to James to make me feel worse than I already felt.

James is right, though. Alistir's love for her is as obvious as the sun; he's just hurt that she's choosing the emperor. The empress was an idiot.

Last two days before they leave. My chest feels hollow whenever I think of them leaving without me.

I made my choice, though, and I'm not sure Alistir would take me back with him even if I asked.

Wariu asked me to marry him again today and my answer was still a firm no. Not as a joke this time. I've lost all interest in him and his empire.

I'm going to see Alistir tomorrow. I'll corner him in his room and demand he take me with him.

She changed her mind. Then how did she become empress? I flip to the next entry.

I stomped my way to Alistir's room as soon as I woke up today. I didn't even knock. I found him in bed with a woman.

She was pleasuring him. His eyes were closed, so he didn't even notice when I entered his room.

'Alistir.' I called out. I felt like crying.

He didn't deign to reply and just pulled on the woman's hair as she sucked him down.

I stormed out of the room just as quickly as I'd entered it.

I was not going to beg him to take me, not when he enjoyed the company of other women.

I went back to my room and cried for hours, my voice ringing through the palace walls.

Wariu came to see me and asked me one last time. 'Will you be my empress?'

I said no.

I'm confused. She refused him again? Was I wrong about Alistir loving her? Or was he just using that woman as a distraction? That's how the entry ends.

It's still the same day. I went to see Alistir for the last time. I know I'll regret it forever if I don't at least try.

I knocked this time, and he opened the door. He was surprised to see me. He probably didn't think I would degrade myself again, but I was beyond dignity at this point.

'I want to go home with you.'

'Did he find another empress?' He laughed cruelly.

'No. He asked me again today and I said no.'

'Do you want a medal? Congratulations on being smart enough to see a trap.'

'I want to go home with you.' I pressed.

'No. Let him have you.' He turned away.

'Alistir, don't turn your back on years of friendship. Don't be petty.' I turned his body back to face me.

'Petty? You haven't seen me petty.' He crushed my lips to his. It was the best kiss I've ever had. He couldn't get enough of me, raising my body against his. He hooked his fingers under my thighs and looped my legs around his waist.

He pushed me against the wall and grinded against me as he kissed me. When I pulled away, his lips were swollen, and his blue eyes looked brighter. 'This is petty.' He dropped me on my feet.

He pushed his hair back and let out a breath. 'Alistir...' I started as I reached for him.

'No. Don't speak. I've been in love with you for years, and every time I thought of confessing it, you stomped over my heart. Go be with your lover.' He ordered.

'No. Alistir. I want you.'

'No, you don't. You don't know what you want.'

'I do.' I said in frustration.

'You've always been too greedy, sunshine. You won't be happy in Avelea and I won't watch you crumble away.'

'Al...'

'No. Leave. You will not be coming back with us tomorrow. I'll find something to say to your father.'

He pushed me out of the door gently and closed it with a bang. I never felt so unwanted before. He didn't even want me to go back to my kingdom.'

Out of spite, I walked straight to Wariu's room, swollen lips and all. I knocked and walked in without waiting.

'I'll marry you. I'll be your empress.' He smiled, pulled my body to his, and kissed me, wiping away Alistir's kiss from my lips and my head.

She was a fool. She was spiteful and naive. The emperor might've seemed perfect on paper, but she had a man who loved her and was willing to put the world at her feet.

Next to me, Ivy has her head on Ronan's shoulder, sleeping. They must've had a long day of travelling. I might've been able to summon the fire, but it was because I was angry. I doubt I will be able to summon it again.

I know I will disappoint them; I just hope their hopes aren't too high. 

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