The Spawn of Lucifer

15

I couldn't sleep at all last night. My mind kept on replaying yesterday's discussion in my head on repeat. All the words that were exchanged between us....all the emotions conveyed....every single drop of tear, they are all engraved in my head, permanent, never to be erased.

I deserve every hate she feels towards me.

I'm a disgrace to motherhood.

For the first time in my life, I felt reluctant to get out of bed and go to work. I felt super terrified to face the crowd out there. Every trial and misfortune that I've faced is repeating itself all over again but this time, it hits me harder, and with every hit, follows the soul crushing pain.

Where did I go wrong in my whole entire life?

I keep asking myself that same question, the answer just seems to elude me. Maybe because I lacked parental love while growing up that is why I'm condemned to this miserable fate.

Over the years that have passed since I gave birth to Nellie, change had been a constant thing in my life, not from good to bad or slightly better, but from bad to worst. The only thing that refused to change is the love I have for my daughter. That has been and will always be the only constant thing in my life. Nothing else matters to me except for her.

"Will you get out already? I have somewhere else to be and other passengers to carry." The harsh voice of the cab driver breaks me out of my reverie. By the time I blink the drowsiness away from my eyes, the man is already sending me nasty looks while tapping his hand on the steering wheel impatiently.

I force a smile on my lips, take out a dollar bill from my bag and hand it over to him. He eyes me with clear irritation evident on his face and didn't waste the time to drive off after I got out of the cab.

Dusting away invincible dusts off my skirt, I brush a few wayward strands of hair away from my face, pausing in my steps at the sight of some government officials standing around at the entrance of the hospital. Confused, I walk up to one of them.

"Excuse me, please what's going on here?" I ask.

The man seemed reluctant to answer me like he got something else important to do than spare me a minute of his time. He rudely answers, "This place is about to be shut down."

I feel something inside of me crack open. "What do you mean? On whose orders?"

"I don't know. Go bother someone else." He says and goes back to chatting with his colleagues.

Overcoming my earlier shock, I rush inside, stunned to see more of them packing up the hospital furnitures and equipments. My eyes glance around frantically until I see Audrey and Dr. Simpson discussing with someone who seemed to be the supervisor.

"What's going on, Audrey? Why are they taking everything away?" I can't seem to contain my panic. I guess life isn't done with screwing up with me.

Audrey looks at me sadly and reaches for my hand, "Excuse me." she says to them and leads me away to another corner for some privacy. When she's sure she has my full attention, she breaks the news to me, "The hospital is shutting down, Rayne. The government have decided to put it up for sale." Audrey takes a deep breath and continues, "We all just lost our jobs, Rayne."