To Love a Half-Blood (A Kili Fanfic)

Chapter 54: All-Encompassing

Black dots dance before my eyes. I gasp for breath. Azog lies splayed across my legs, dead.

That was lucky.

I try to shove the monster off but he is too massive; my legs won't move.

No matter.

I twist my torso to face Kili. His eyes are closed. I can see blood soaking from under his chest plate.

"Kili, my love, wake up." I whisper, placing a hand aside his face. "Kili, please. You- you promised remember? You'd always come back to me." His breathing is shallow, nearly gone. "Kili please! I love you. It was real, everything was real. This could not be so excruciating if- I cannot lose you! WAKE UP!...please wake up..." My voice rises to a fever pitch before deteriorating into sobs. I toss aside tears and they splatter across his bloody breast plate. "Everything I said- It cannot end like this! WAKE UP KILI I NEED YOU!" I scream, almost unintelligibly. I gasp raggedly, snatching up more air for another sob.

I WILL NOT LET HIM DIE! I will not let him die. Iwillnotlethimdie.iwillnotlethimdie...

My thoughts flow together and my hands are numb. My chest is tight, I can't breathe.

"Kili, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said. The last words you ever heard from me were hateful. Please, let me fix this. You can't leave me like this...." I beg "You promised."

I'm so sorry... This is all my fault...

"Lari-sar!"

My head snaps up. His loving brown eyes are looking into mine. Every inch of my tingles.

I have never been filled with such joy-

"If you were to let me get a word in," He laughs faintly, "I would gladly pass from you on good terms."

"No. Kili no. You are NOT going to die. I am going to save you." I promise stroking his stubbly cheek gently. I grab his large, gloved hand in mine and kiss it. "That's what I do. I'll save you. I promise I'll-"

  I can heal him. The wound can't be that bad. I can just use the athelas-

I fumble for my bag. Gone. Laying twenty feet away. I'm pinned.

He rotates his hand to caress my cheek.

"Not this time my love."

"No! I'll-"

"Oh you brave girl...You have saved this hopeless dwarf plenty of times." He interrupts himself with a coughing fit. Blood seeps at the corners of his pale, smooth lips.

No. NO.

"You're not hopeless. You're perfect! Don't you talk like that. Just hang on for me. Help will be here any second now. Hold on-"

His hand falls from my cheek.

"Lari-sar..."

"NO I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE. Not like this. Everything I said.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I love you more than you could ev-"

"Lari-sar!" He says forcefully, interrupting my mad babbling, and devolves into a hacking fit. It takes him a moment to regain strength and continue. A tear runs down his face. "Left hand side, my belt, black pouch..." His voice is getting fainter and fainter. I lean in closely to hear his words. Holding my breath to suppress the sobbs that wrack my weak body. "Give it to me please Lari-sar."

I can tell I'm losing him. I squeeze his hand tighter and fumble for the bag.

Please hold on.

I press it into his hand. His clumsy gloved fingers fumble with the clasp for a moment. Several moments. I can tell he is growing frustrated.

"Here, let me.." I offer.

He sighs sadly and returns it to my palm.

"This was not supposed to be how this ended..." He begins.

This isn't the end. No.

"I was going to take you to Rivendell. Lari-sar, have you seen Rivendell."

I shake my head, tears flow freely.

"It's beautiful. You would love it. Birds and trees and peace all around. You must have Legolas take you once everything is over." He smiles at me. A genuine, happy smile. Radiant, as though all the pain was gone. "You are so beautiful. So cunning, so strong... It isn't fair of me to do this. It isn't fair for me to break your heart. But I need you to know how much you mean to me. Open it."

I pour a sparkling silver and jeweled ring out onto my bloody palm.

"Oh my god-" I put a hand over my mouth. "Kili, its beautiful."

He smiles and closes his eyes for a moment. I hold my breath, praying to see those adoring, knowing, laughing eyes again.

"It isn't fair for me to ask you. Not anymore. You deserve better. To find a man who loves you as much as I did and settle down with a family. But can you still keep it? Maybe in the back drawer of your dresser?... Just so you don't forget me?" He pleads.

"Don't be ridiculous. I will never forget you. Not if I have the life line of an elf will I ever forget you!" I slip the ring onto my left ring finger. "How could I forget the love of my life?" He smiles and closes his eyes again. "I will never be without it. Its so precious Kili, you're so precious..."

But when I look down, his eyes are still closed and his breathing more faint than before. I'm losing him.

No more time for sobbing. I will not let him die. I don't care If I don't have any athelas. What does that blasted dwarf think he's doing, proposing to me and then dying! No. No. NO! I can heal him without it!

I rip his breast plate from his chest and toss it aside, revealing a massive stomach wound and several lacerations from a sword criss-crossed over his chest.

The second time today that I've been thankful I have already vomited. Just like legolas showed you.

I work up the energy in my hands. Something seems off. Something is weaker than before. I push. I yank, I drag the energy from my arms into my hands. I feel lightheaded.

No matter.

I shake the feeling off and press my hands into his mangled stomach. Then, I let go. It is the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse than whips and swords, and almost worse than my piercing need for him to live. Almost, but not quite. Nevertheless I scream, a bloodcurdling, guttural, animistic, torturous scream. I can feel the energy fading from my hands already, the wound is only beginning to heal. I stuff more energy, drawing from my legs, carefully to avoid my heart, biting down hard against the agony. I scratch and squeeze and scream the healing into his body. And, to my joy, it's working!

Oh thank every deity its working.

I'm gasping for breath but I can't stop. I see his eyes moving under their lids as if he is only napping. I can't make myself stop. Black dots dance before my eyes and I sway. I can't get enough air.

I'm so tired.

I shove more energy into him. My arms and legs are numb, void of energy. The stomach wound is nearly sealed. Only a centimeter deep gash remains. But infection can still be a danger. I am suddenly consumed with an all-encompassing need to see him open his eyes. I forget the pain. I forget everything, fixating on Kili's face. I toss the last bit of energy my body possesses into the wound, pulling from the last warm spot in my body, my heart. Then I see it, in the last vestige of my narrowed and blurry vision, his eyes snap open. I fall back. Darkness.