Heart of Christmas

~20~

My foot taps on the tile of the hospital. My head was down, resting my forehead on the bed as my hand holds Alycia's. I squeeze her hand every couple of minutes to try and let her know I'm still here if she couldn't feel me holding her hand. She got of surgery about 8 hours ago and still no sign of her waking up. The doctors don't even know when she'll wake up. I ask every time a nurse comes in. Always the same response. "We don't know. She'll be okay." 

My chest hurts. Physically. If I could I'd trade places with this woman in a heartbeat. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to be lying in this bed, in pain, unconscious. God, this should be me. Not her. She's so pure and so innocent. She's amazing. beautiful. Funny. Kind. Warm hearted and I am falling head over heels in love with this woman. I need her to wake up. 

I lift up my head. My eyes opening to find the unconscious girl still. I shake my head, a low sigh escaping my lips. My eyes trail her face. I rub my thumb delicately over her fragile hand. I never let go. I haven't for hours. But now my eyes focus on her face, picturing her beautiful green eyes. the same eyes i could stare at for hours on end and get lost in. I miss them. I miss hearing her talk and laugh. I miss her lips against mine. I miss our tickle fights. I miss being in that cabin with her. 

"Leesh, it's me. Y/n," I start, my voice cracking. "You got to wake up. I miss you. Your sister misses you. Your dad. We all miss you. You gotta fight. You're needed here. You're too young to leave this earth." 

I clench my jaw. She can't die. I won't let it happen. She cannot die. 

"remember the first time we met. I do like it was just yesterday. That hospital room, you came in and was decorating for Christmas-" I pause and crack a small smile remembering the day like it truly was yesterday. "I came in for a checkup. Something I didn't want to even do. You were so cheerful. So excited to decorate that room with wreaths and ornaments and lights. Your Christmas sweater bright as you are. I told you to wait till I left and you questioned why I wanted you to wait. I hated Christmas. Wow, past tense..." 

I knowing look spreads my face and my head runs wild. I drop my gaze from the girl and to her hand I hold. "I hated Christmas and somehow, some way you made me like. I hated it so much that day because it reminded me of my mother. Everything reminded me of her and then here you come. The heart of Christmas. Shining and bright. A true believer at that and my grumpy ass wasn't into it. Then we started hanging out. Short time period but it feels like a lifetime and I don't want that feeling to go away Alycia Shepherd. I never, never want it to go away. You got to wake up. I want to spend every single Christmas with you. I want to see that smile spread your lips every day and watch your beautiful glistening green eyes shine under the stars or in the snow. i want to kiss you underneath the mistletoe. I want to go Christmas caroling with you. I want to have kids with you and make them fall in love with Christmas the way you made me fall back in love with it. The way you made me fall in love with you. The way I will keep falling in love with you. I need you. We all need you baby. Please." 

My voice aches and breaks. Tears stream down my face and I can hear soft melodies of the Christmas music playing from a radio down in the nurse's station. I shake my head from side to side and crack a smile wider. A soft chuckle escaping my lips, closing my eyes. 

"Please don't make me sing, especially not a Christmas song..." My voice trails and still nothing from the girl. No words, no movement. I nod my head and bite down on my lip trying to think for a second when it comes to mind like a blizzard. 

"I really can't stay
Baby, it's cold outside
I've got to go away
Baby, it's cold outside
This evening has been
Hoping that you'd drop in
So, very nice
I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice," I pause shaking my head. This song is so creepy. 

"My mother will start to worry
Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to that fireplace roar
So, really I'd better scurry
Beautiful, please don't hurry
But maybe just a half a drink more
I'll put some records on while I pour." I could feel myself get into it. Even if it was all off tune and off pitch, I keep going. 

"The neighbors might think
Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell
I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

I ought to say, 'No, no, no sir'
Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay
Baby, don't hold out
Baby, it's cold outside." 

"Baby, it's cold outside," a hoarse voice spokes as my had stopped. Instantly my eyes open and my head flies up. I look up to meet those beautiful delicate green eyes, half opened looking at me. A smile trickling across Alycia's lips. "You said you wouldn't sing a Christmas song." 

"Oh my god," I breathe out standing up and reaching down, wrapping my arms around the girl. She lightly reaches her head up. "You're awake. You're okay." 

"You said you'd never sing a Christmas song, yet you sang my favorite one," Alycia hoarsely whispers as I pull away and sit on the edge of the bed, letting my hand reach up and cup her cheek in the palm of my hand. A smile lingers on my face as tears fly down my cheeks. 

"You're my favorite person. I'd do anything for you," I whisper. 

"Does that mean you're going to do all the Christmas things with me?" 

I laugh and nod. "As soon as your up for it but considering today is Christmas." 

"I was just getting us wood and food. I crashed the car- Wait-" Alycia pauses and looks around. Her half-opened eyes going wide as she takes in her surroundings. "How are we here?" 

I lick my lips rubbing my thumb back and forth. "I drove us here. I couldn't get cell reception so i uncovered that truck and got us here as fast as I could." Alycia's head flies back towards me. Our eyes locking. I smile kindly as she reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck, holding onto me. I lower myself so she lays back down. 

"You drove in a car..." Her voice trails and I close my eyes. 

"I knew we'd be safe. Something told me we would." My mother told me we would. That gut feeling even if my body was shaking intensely. "You needed help. I had to get us, you here. Even if that meant doing something I was afraid of." 

"I'm so in love with you. My heart is in love with you." 

"I love you, Alycia. But next Christmas I'm going out for wood and food, not you." A chuckle escapes the girl as we pull apart, our foreheads leaning against one another as our eyes land on each others. Nothing but warmness and love between us. In every interaction. Every word. Every longing glances. She's my person. And I'm thanking and praying every time I look at her she's never taken from me. She's everything I have and want. 

The End