ASHAMED

Just tell me

Bill's POV

I walked into the living room to see Tom laying on the couch past out. Tom, Georg and Gustav had been drinking yesterday. I went into the kitchen as well were Georg was sitting. He was resting his head in his hands. He was awake, but he was suffering from a hangover after drinking all that alcohol he had been consuming yesterday. As I walked past him I said good morning. He wasn't sober enough to speak clearly so he didn't say anything back, I didn't expect him to either. Gustav wasn't sober, but at least he was awake. Gustav was in his room, so I knocked on his door. I had many questions that I needed answered. I can't go around dragging them around. He opened the door and dragged me inside.

Gustav's POV

-Good morning Bill how did you sleep?
I asked Bill.

-I have slept well. And you?

-Eh, not to good. But for being drunk yesterday, I probably feel much better than I usually do after alcohol. But was there anything specific you wanted from me?

-Oh yeah, I came here to ask you a quick question.

-Okay, go on.

-Who is Emmerich and Elijah? I just mean you keep bringing up his name. Who are they?

Wow, I really didn't think such a question to be asked. Although I had no problem telling him, but I knew that if I did, Tom would kill me.

-Sorry kid, I can't tell you who they are. It is a personal problem.

-Come on why can't you just tell me about him. I know he's some guy you've been fighting with. So can you please just tell me who and what he wants from you?

I couldn't tell him. Everyone knew it was forbidden to talk or tell about him and the things that had happened between him and Tom. Everyone was taught not to talk about what happened. And if they talked about it anyways, and Tom found out about it. Well... he wouldn't be glad. If you get what I mean. The things that happened that day, changed Tom. Tom used to be a generous, gentle and kind person. He is not a mean person, but trauma can change a person behavior. I know Tom doesn't want to act the way he does. He used to show kindness to others. But ever since the accident, he became a completely new person. I used to enjoy spending time with him, we all did. I wish I could bring the old him back, but that's not possible. He will never be able to forgive himself. And if he doesn't let the things fall behind him, then he won't be able to live without all this pressure that he puts himself through. If he would just get up and forget about everything that happened that day and forgive himself, then he would live a much more happier life. He is suffering so much and for so many years just because he can't forgive himself. He can't just look himself in the mirror and feel good about himself. He looks in the mirror and feels guilty, pressure, shame, disappointment and disgust in himself. He doesn't deserve to go through all of that. He really doesn't.

-I really can't tell you. End of story.
I said.

-But come on I am a part of the group. I deserve to know.

-Bill stop I am not going to tell you! It is none of your business.

-Ugh!! Fine.
Bill complain as he walked out.

Bill's POV

I really don't understand why they never want to tell me things. Of course I understand that what they are talking about is serious, and that I am young, but still. I decided to go back to bed. There was no point in being awake right now. Tom was laying on the couch and Georg couldn't even tell what time it was right now. I wanted to get an answer to who Emmerich was, but it's probably better if I do it later when everyone has woken up.