Homestar Saga

Chapter 144: Motivational Speaker Mims

"You should have talked to her." Lissa shook her head as they walked down the corridor.

"It wasn't the time," said Yvian. "You saw how she was after the Last Hope." Both Yuriko and Dr. Laswell had cried their eyes out after communing with the crystal mother. Neither of them had been willing to speak about the experience.

"Sharing souls is... a lot," Lissa admitted. "You still should have talked to her."

"There's nothing to say." Yvian was trying not to be bitter. "It was one night. If she wanted more she would have said something by now."

"Maybe," Lissa allowed, "but maybe not. You don't know and we can see it's bothering you."

"I'll be fine," Yvian lied. "It was just one night. It doesn't mean anything."

"Of course it does." Lissa wasn't having it. "I know you, Sis. You can't hide this from me."

"I'll be fine." Yvian repeated.

"Let her be, Lissa." Mims cut in. "If she wants to be a coward, it's her choice."

Yvian rounded on the man. "What did you just say?"

"You're afraid." The Captain spoke like he was reciting a grocery list. "You're letting that fear control you."

"I am not..." Yvian started. The human raised an eyebrow. "Fine." Some of her frustration spilled over, coloring her voice. "I'm afraid. I've... I've been alone a long time. I'm not... I'm not sure I could handle another rejection right now."

"That's not what you're afraid of," said Mims. He stopped walking, folding his arms.

"What else would I be afraid of?" Yvian snapped. It came out harsher than she intended, but Mims didn't seem concerned.

"You're afraid of success."

Yvian blinked. The human continued. "The idea that Dr. Miner doesn't want you... It's a comfortable sort of pain. Rejection hurts, but it's something you can live with. You're living with it already." Mims gazed down the corridor, brow furrowed. "No, what scares you is the idea that she felt something, too. Something real. Because if she does, if she wants you, well." He met Yvian's eyes. "That would make you a lot more vulnerable, wouldn't it?"

"I..." Yvian felt tension in her legs. Her heart was beating faster than it should. Had he hit a nerve? Was he right? "Wait." She squinted at the man. "Are you... trying to give me advice on relationships?"

The Captain snorted. "No. I'm not qualified." Lissa nudged him with her hip. His lips quirked in a half-smile at the look in her eyes. "I'm not," he repeated. "I'm just lucky." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder before his face turned serious again. "I'm giving you life advice. Most people are as afraid of success as they are of failure. It's why so few of us achieve the things we really want."

Afraid of success? "Gribshit."

"No, really." Mims let go of Lissa while he went into lecture mode. "We're hardwired to be afraid of change, and achieving your wildest dream is one of the biggest changes there is. We also know that losing a thing hurts worse than never having it in the first place. The more important that thing is, the more you have to lose. So we're afraid of it. We have to be."

"But I'm achieving my dream," Yvian argued. She gestured at the Shipyard they were standing in. "I'm saving my people. Rebuilding the Pixen Technocracy."

"You are," Mims agreed. "You had a dream and you pursued it with tenacity and more optimism than you can justify. That confidence has let you, has let us, do a lot of things that should be impossible. The problem is you don't have that confidence in the arena of love." He wrapped an arm around Lissa again. "You haven't had a lot of love in your life. Especially the romantic kind. You believe in your ability to get things done. You don't believe that you'll be loved. Or that you deserve to be."