Perfect Flaws

34. Dear Diary

Rhea

It's odd, reading the thoughts of someone else. Seeing how they word their experiences and emotions onto paper.

Especially of an eleven year old girl who barely lived life at all. Her last few entries make me feel empty and sick.

Each word my eyes race over shocks me in her maturity. The way she had to think, how she had to live, and what was considered important to her at such a young age.

Kinsley wasn't immature. She was hardly what you consider to be a child. Instead she was a girl who had too many responsibilities at a young age. She was kind, but unbelievably strict in her lifestyle.

She had a heart too big, too curious for the life of others.

She wanted more in life, things so simple to me, but impossible to her.

It hurts reading her journals. Reading her struggles and what she considered to be an adventure.

Her life, their life at a young age was drastically different from mine.

I didn't have to worry about when my next mission was. How many years I had left before I could finally leave a compound unit and live in an actual home. How many days I had left until I could finally call a room mine, and mine only. How many hours until my next meal.

I didn't have those worries.

I had a strange stability in knowing what my future was. I had a bedroom that could fit at least ten of the children Kinsley encountered.

I had too many clothes than I cared to count.

Food wasn't even considered a problem.

But for her, it was. For Elijah, and Dal, it was.

July 20, 2017-

Dear diary, it's me, again. Guess what? I'm eleven years old today! The day has finally come! I only have two more years until I can officially become a teenager.

Which is crazy to think about since Eli is thirteen, but he'll be fourteen soon.

Dal has to wait the longest out of both Eli and me, since his birthday is in November. I feel bad for him.

Eli has been begging Mr. Miller for extra missions lately, and I don't know why. He's been too busy as it is.

The only time we really see each other is when we wake up and go to sleep, but as long as I get to see them, it's fine with me.

Since today is my birthday, I'm going to go on another adventure. It's been pretty hot out lately, and I want to get an ice cream before Mr. Miller gives me a mission today.

He doesn't seem to care that I've turned eleven, but he has too many kids here, so it probably all mashes together.

Right now, Eli and Dal are completely passed out. So are all the other kids. I don't really talk to them, and they don't talk to me. We all just sleep here, it isn't meant to be a place to make friends. I only know the boy who sleeps in bed six. He's a year younger than me and I found out his name is Tim.

One of the older kids was picking on him because he couldn't throw a dagger straight, and I felt bad, so I've been teaching him how to hold the dagger better.

The only reason I know how is because of Eli and Dal.

But Eli has been so busy, so it's mainly Dal who's been training me lately.

It's currently 5:09 am, everyone usually gets up at 6:00 am but I like to get up earlier.

I'm not a creeper, I don't watch people sleep, but it is funny to see some of the kids drool on their mattress.