Perfect Flaws

22. Distant for Doubts

(I'm backk, and I come bearing gifts ;) here is a longgg chapter)

Rhea

Heaviness of comfort feels odd. It's welcomed, but instinctively dangerous. It's vulnerability and fear. It's peaceful and appreciated, but god does it feel unnatural to my mind.

His arm lays over my waist, while his chest hugs my back. The natural rise and drop of his body soothes into my body as he breathes.

I want this.

I do.

But why do I want to run?

Why do I feel the need to escape and hide? To abandon this.

The peace overcoming my walls and protection is terrifying. Why was it so easy? What is wrong with me for not fully enjoying this?

I can't stop overthinking this.

Last night I was fine. I was perfect for once. My mind was infatuated with pleasure and bliss. Unwanted thoughts weren't even a thing.

For once I forgot about my life.

This morning? I feel like someone grinded up my mind and dumped its contents into my skin.

Fear is an asshole.

It protects you, but it devours you whole. Leaving you dull and lifeless.

My mind drains me while Elijah sleeps joyfully.

His heartbeat thrums into my back, leaving me in full anxiety. As if each beat and thrum is a ticking clock, counting down the seconds before chaos burns me.

Patience and anxiety takes me, and I gently take his arm off of me. Sliding off of his bed, tip-toeing to his door, and into his kitchen.

I see a coffee machine and silently thank him for not being absolutely insane. Searching into his cabinets for a cup, I find the most pleasing design.

I pour water into the pot, then grinded coffee beans into a coffee sheet.

Pressing 'brew,' I lean on the counter waiting for it.

Nala's nails clack against the floor as she makes her way over to me. She stops to stretch, leaning back. I smile at her, squatting closely to the floor, waiting for her with my arms open wide.

Happily, she tip-taps into my arms with a wagging tail. I wrap my arms around her, while I rub her back.

"Good Morning Nala," I smile.

I hear a faint creak.

Looking up, I see a smiling Elijah as he leans against the wall with his arms crossed.

He stands in nothing but sweatpants. I'm not even sure he has boxers underneath. I don't really remember anything but our breathless bodies last night.

Last night I could feel his body, but it was dark. No wonder I had so much confidence. I couldn't see him as perfectly as I can right now.

His abs are sculpted like they were made for nobody but him. A white patch sticks to his ribcage, leaving almost no visual blockage of his skin. His V-line is practically completely uncovered, considering his pants hang pretty damn low.

I'm not complaining.

"Good Morning," I smile.

"Good Morning," he grins, walking over to me.

"I'm making coffee," I stand up. He nods, "I can see that," he looks me up and down. I glance down and realize I'm only in his shirt, and my underwear. Leaving a full view of my thighs and legs.