deceit • Han Seojun x Kang Soojin

49. let her go

You see her when you
close your eyes
Maybe one day,
you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

- Let her go (passenger)

A/N trigger warning (sucidal/low/dark thoughts)

49. let her go

Han Seojun lived his day to the fullest.

And by fullest he literally meant to the fullest, considering he couldn't sleep for most of the nights and didn't want to for the nights he could. It was routine for him, to start the day before the sun rises and lay awake until it was almost time for the sun to shine again.

It was a blessing and a curse that Move Entertainment was his management agency. It meant he could have some lethargy for his idol life and yet be under the radar of Lee Suho - constant-fucking-ly. He couldn't move or do anything without Suho's divine intervention in all his affairs.

A part of him hoped that the CEO would stop wasting his time on somebody as hopeless as him and rather invest it someplace else. But no amount of angry glares would make Suho leave him alone. Why would Suho bear with him than live his happy life - Seojun didn't know.

Even he wouldn't wanna live with someone as him.

The guitar lay cold in his arms as he pondered up on his schedule for the week. The practices, recordings and interviews were making him sick already. But then there was another meeting with HFA Association that caught his eye.

Surely this wasn't what it looked like. Lee Suho wouldn't do that to him.

Right?

Oh he was way wrong. Wrong wasn't a word to fit this situation especially when he couldn't get the last week's interaction out of his head. Now that he thought about it, it seemed like a mistake.

What else did he think when he decided to see Kang Soojin again?

That everything would be okay, back to normal? That all the worries and pain and the years of sheer horror would wipe away easily? That just a single glance of the girl and he'd be able to live happily again?

Who was he kidding? This was more like a last glance at the girl before he could leave for good, for real this time. He had planned everything to the last detail, the years of idol training a tribute to his friend, graduating from high school - a tribute to his mother and a last song, a last performance for his sister.

Then why did he detour from his route and traced his steps towards the one person who had left his life long back. That one detour had put his entire plan on a standstill.

He should have not agreed to go face the girl - now a beautiful woman - who held such a crucial part of his life. It had been a decade without them exchanging paths, and a single meeting wasn't supposed to change anything.

Yet it did.

His heart betrayed him immediately. The sight of Soojin - beautiful as she is - threw him off-guard and Seojun almost lost the ability to speak in the brief moment. The haughty and arrogant Kang Soojin was replaced with a different, soft and matured Soojin. Yellow looked pretty on her and short hair suited her.

But the very next second Seojun snapped out of his trance and landed back to reality. He realised how intently he was staring at her and how affected he was when her boss held her hand. That helped draw his attention towards the darkness of his life.

Everything he touched, died. Everywhere he went, he only brought despair and death. It wasn't fair for Soojin to be dragged into this mess after all the efforts she's taken to live her life. It must have been tough for her, living alone and away from everyone. He could see those tired bags under her eyes, the sad essence of her forced smile and her soft gaze holding an array of emotions for him.