Harry Styles
It's hard to face the truth sometimes.
This is it, accepting defeat and realising what's best for the situation. It was hard to have the strength to say I needed to leave, to quit and accept defeat. I couldn't do it any longer and I didn't realise until then.
It's always been hard to coach her knowing I'm in love with her, I just don't know how easy it'll be for the next two months knowing Frankie can't do that right now. She told me from the start, she wasn't ready for all of this and wouldn't be until at least the Olympics were over, but I still told myself maybe she'd change her mind.
We're both at fault here, and we both know it.
Walking away from the track was the hardest thing I've done. I didn't think I'd have it in me, but knowing Frankie didn't have it in her to tell me she loved me too killed me and I knew right then that I couldn't do it. I wasn't as patient as I thought I was.
'Harry,' I heard Frankie call from behind me, but I tried to ignore it, keeping my eyes pinched shut as I tried to drown her out. 'Please don't walk away, please don't go.'
I spun around seconds after, I couldn't walk out without seeing her one last time. I didn't know what all of this meant, I didn't know what quitting truly entailed, I hadn't figured that all out yet. I had to see her, I'm a quitter, not an asshole.
She kept walking towards me, a few tears streaming down her cheeks with shaky hands tucked into her pockets as if she was trying to hide it. I know her well though, and I know that the 'I love you' was probably on the tip of her tongue back there.
My hand met her face, held her cheek and just brushed one of those tears away with my thumb. I had wiped my own tears away before I turned to face her trying to be the smart one here by walking away before we're both heartbroken.
'I can't be second place in your life Frankie, I thought I'd be better at it but I'm not.' I sighed, her hand coming over the top of mine. 'I know you told me from the get go it would be like this for a while, I just...I guess I'm not as good at it as I thought.'
'I just need to get through the olympics, and I know it's selfish but I've wanted this my entire life, to be where I am now and I just...' She paused to take a deep breath. 'I just need to get there before I can think about other things.'
'I know, you've made it clear from the beginning you weren't ready,' I nodded, smiling down and wiping another tear away as I held back my own. 'I gotta take a step back, I'm sorry.'
I kissed her forehead and walked off again, Frankie never said anything and I'm glad. I just walked right out of that athletic ground and left her standing there alone, for the first time in months. Frankie and I were no longer leaving here together, I wouldn't see her tomorrow morning for a 5k, or in the afternoon as we're packing up to head home together and cook something for dinner. That's to become a thing of the past.
Seeing her cry was hard because I know she's not an emotionally vulnerable person and I love that now she trusts me enough to know that her emotions mean the world to me, I never want her to hide them. I hated knowing this was partially my fault and I had hurt her.
My mind was all over the place by the time I reached my car. I couldn't think straight and the second the door shut behind me, that's when it all hit. I had walked away from the woman I love and I don't know what any of this means for me either. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, like my entire world just came crashing down.
My heart has never felt such pain before, It's almost like it didn't know how to cope.
My head knew this was for the best, or at least half of it believed so anyway, but my heart couldn't understand why I was walking away from somebody I love so much.
