Hot & Heavy (Eren x Reader)

Chapter 50 - Memory of You

He looked so small, like a child that had been disappointed over and over again, like a child that had his favourite thing taken away, like a child that so desperately missed out on the love he never knew he deserved.

"The only thing I know is I keep fucking up," Colt muttered so quietly, you were unsure whether or not he wanted you to hear it. The air conditioning had stopped just in time to make his words clear.

You sank to the floor to a spot near him, sitting on your calves. You were scared to touch him with the fingers that were laced with the scent of someone else. You had seen Colt broken before. There were many times when you were the one who put him back together. Now, you felt like you would stain him with the blood on your hands.

"I don't know what to do..." you honestly admitted. In front of you sat the only thing that had tethered you to what you imagined real life to be. A stable job, a stable relationship, a stable version of yourself that was okay with change. "There's nothing I can even say to make this feel better..."

You looked at his tie that draped sadly off his hanging neck. It held a memory of buying it for him on his 21st birthday. Years later, its hems were fraying from the amount of use. Every year you insisted on getting him a new one. Colt insisted that because of the simple fact that it was the first tie from you, it was more important than any replacement.

You looked at the suitcase of clothes under the TV stand, it held a simple memory of stuffing it full the day you moved into your apartment in downtown Marley together. Months later, you're still rearranging furniture and decorating it together. It took you ages to find a place. Colt insisted that because it was the first place that was just for the two of you, it was more important than settling for less.

You looked at the bracelet on your wrist, it held a memory of an early fifth anniversary present. Days later, the light crystals that once danced playfully in the light held the weight of shackles. Between student debts and the constant crawl back to net zero, the gift almost felt too much at the time. Colt insisted that the very first paycheque from his early promotion would be spent on you, you were always more important.

It felt unfair. All the memories you shared with Colt alone were golden and bright and new. It made you feel guilt-ridden and caused your muscles to ache with all the growing pains you had endured. Your life was steady and safe thanks to the memories that lit the pathway.

At nearly the same time, you came to another realization. These precious memories shined so bright that you never noticed how they began to fade to blue in the corners.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and tried to sort the thoughts that were running wild in your mind. It felt like you were processing everything all at once in a chaotic storm. "Ever since I met you," you finally began, "I felt like I was finally beginning to grow and accept change. I always saw a future with you. I always felt like you were the right person for me at the right time."

You opened your eyes, feeling the slightest bit of weight rolling off your chest. They opened just in time to see Colt lifting his head to connect his eyes with yours in a hopeful way, in a fragile way, in a devastatingly loving way. You didn't have it in you to turn away.

"I know how to ask for what I want now," you continued in a joking manner. "Even if the old lady at the till insists she was right. You stuck up for me without hesitation and taught me how."

You could see Colt chuckle at the subtle hint of an inside joke you shared.

"I know how to understand how others feel," you said, scooching closer to him. "Especially when they try to hide it. You're always trying to numb your feelings except for when it came to me and I noticed."