Chapter 44 - delay

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I was fine for a while, I was fine on my own
Maybe it was denial, maybe I was wrong
I was fine doing dishes with my headphones on
Now whenever I listen I hear you in every song

Maybe it was runners high, maybe I was just lying

'Cause the memories make noise in the corner I avoid
'Til someone turns a light on, until I have no choice
I pretended I was brave, minimizing all the pain
And in trying to run away, I think I just delayed it

Well you were mine for a while, so it takes time to adjust
But I just let it all pile 'til I was completely crushed
Like the hare and the tortoise, took its time to catch up
Now I'm losing my focus and grieving the loss of us

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*

C/W: Discussions of alcohol abuse and addiction.

A/N: Let us be gracious to those who are struggling with addiction. It is a REAL and complex issue. It should be taken seriously and is not meant to be taken lightly in and out of the context of this story.

"Well, sweetie, I hope you're doing well in Marley," Carla's voice said through the cell phone, bringing you back from the mist that was forming in your eyes.

You felt your lips shaking at the words you barely managed to say. Eren's lips were trembling all the same, almost as if he wanted you to say them again, almost as if he wanted to say them himself.

"I hope to see you once more before you go back," Carla said, once again bringing you back to reality.

As you stood there, pressing the phone to your ear, you found it difficult to understand what was real. You snapped closed the phone and handed it back to Eren. It felt as if you were floating, living in a fantasy for just a moment. It was almost serendipitous, blissful, and dream-like. You could even feel your fingertips that placed the cell phone in his hands brush against a palm that had been calloused beyond what you remembered.

It had been so long since you were alone with your best friend and yet there was nothing you could say. Words that you had wanted to share since that last night together had faded away over the years, almost as if they weren't important enough anyways.

Your hand lingered in his palm still, treasuring the feeling of Eren's skin. You still recognized the slightly tanned skin on the back of his hand, the bump on his thumb from when he broke it in elementary school, and even the small mole that rested between his ring finger and middle finger.

"Y/N..." he whispered like he was trying to make this time with you as secretive as possible. "I'm still so sorry about-"

You held your free hand up to stop him. "If it's about the voicemail, it's okay. I haven't heard it yet."

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