Veiled Desires of the Crown

Chapter Fourteen

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I  really wanted it to be you

I so badly wanted it to be you

Until I understood

You didn't want it to be me

-Unknown

The evening unfurled its hues as I sat on the terrace, the colors of the sunset dancing before me. My thoughts, like a tempest, wrestled with conflicting emotions. I was still not ready to accept the future laid down infront of me.Thoughts of the recent events swirled in my mind, and amidst the confusion, the image of Fatima, running away for love, played vividly. Fatima boldly choosing her love, her own future over a predetermined destiny, seemed so right to me.

Yet my mind replayed Baba's words again and again, "Noor, I wouldn't want my daughter to run away like Fatima did." Those words, like a haunting refrain, brought tears to my eyes once more blurring the sunset. I felt torn between what I believed was right and the expectations that burdened me.

Amidst crying over my fate,  I noticed Burhan making his way into the palace with two soldiers flanking him. My heart skipped a beat. Memories of our moments together flooded my mind, and in that chaotic whirlwind, a sudden realisation struck me. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep within, I harbored feelings for Burhan.

The realisation was so sudden and shocking that wiping away my tears, I quickly stood up from the bench and decided to meet him. Swiftly making my way outside, I Descended to the ground floor through the echoing hallways. I searched for Burhan and eventually spotted him engaged in conversation with another palace official.  Burhan, dressed simply, appeared to have just coming back from training.

Burhan noticed me standing at a distance, and nodded at the official saying something i couldn't hear, as the official departed. He then gestured for the soldiers to leave, their figures fading into the distance. Our eyes locked as I approached, and Burhan, with an awkward smile, greeted me, "Assalamu alaikum."

Returning the greeting, my teary eyes caught his attention. Concern etched across his face, he asked about my disheveled state. Slowly, I gulped my tears revealing the reality , "Burhan, the Sultan has chosen me as his wife." as a fresh pool of tears clouded my eyes again.

A sympathetic smile played on Burhan's lips as he uttered the words, "I know."

Feeling a mix of frustration and desperation, I broke into tears, "Burhan, I don't want this. I never wanted to be the Sultan's wife. It's not what I envision for my life."

Burhan remained silent for a moment, then softly said, "I know. I know you never wanted this."

 "Noor, I do understand. But sometimes life takes unexpected turns, and we must find a way to navigate them. This could be an opportunity for you." he continued at my silence.

His words confused me. "What do you mean Burhan? I can't be a pawn in this political game. I thought you of all people would understand."

He sighed, "Noor, you're right. This isn't what you wanted for yourself. But sometimes, we must consider the greater good. If you accept this, it might bring stability and peace. You could make a difference as the queen."

Anger welled up within me. "Make a difference at the cost of my own happiness? I thought... I thought you would be the one person who'd stand with me in this."

Burhan hesitated, his eyes reflecting a complex mix of emotions. "Noor, you can't change the circumstances, but you can face them strongly. you may not have control over the choices forced upon you, but you can control how you respond to them."

His words felt hollow. "I can't believe you're saying this. You're asking me to sacrifice my happiness for politics. Is that the price I must pay? What if I refuse? What if I don't want to be a pawn or make peace at my own expense?"

He sighed, "Noor, I understand more than you think. But life doesn't always unfold the way we want. Sometimes, we must accept destiny. This is a chance every girl dreams of. You should be happy." 

My frustration boiled over, "Everyone keeps saying that, Burhan. But I'm not like every other girl. I don't want this."

Burhan's expression tightened. "Noor, I'm sorry. But sometimes, personal desires must take a back seat to duty. This is a difficult path, but you're not alone. Think wisely and calmly. I know you will take the right decision."

Seeing how casually Burhan had spoken all this while, a sudden understanding struck me—he didn't feel the same way about me like I did about him.

In the midst of this realisation, I wiped my face abruptly and took a step back, as i felt my heart break once again , "You're right, Burhan. I should be happy." 

I took another step back as I said, "I will go tell baba that I have no problem marrying the sultan." Turning away, I rushed away from him, foolishly expecting him to call me back. Yet, he remained silent, and my heart broke a little more with each step.

Little did I know, as I retreated, that my shattered heart wasn't the only one left broken in the wake of unspoken truths.

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