Wandering Off

Starting In The Spring

When I entered the hospital two hours later, I felt a lot better than early in the morning. I had eaten a croissant and I had had some tea and my stomach had calmed down. After casually texting my boyfriend and asking how his day was, if he was busy or if it was rather calm, he had replied he would never dare to say it's calm, but that he was actually sitting around doing some leftover paperwork.

Now I knocked on the door to his office, only a tiny room he shared with other interns but still, and took a glimpse inside, he looked up from his desk and instantly started to smile.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I love that you're both here, but I need to inform you, that you're not allowed to stay with me for a longer period of time, due to stuff like confidentiality. But we could go down to the cafe and have a snack or a coffee. How's that? They can page me if I am needed."

"Actually," I said sheepishly, "I am here as a patient."

Then I told him about my morning and he furrowed his brows in concern.

"I don't like how so many symptoms showed up so fast. Come, we'll go and do a quick check up." Sean then told me and I followed him with my legs feeling like pudding.

Many eyes seemed to watch us as we made our way to the closest examination room, and I started to feel uncomfortable.

"Why are they all staring at us? Is it because of me? Because I'm with you despite Paul being Gabriel's son? Genetically, I mean. Everybody who sees the two of you can tell that you're his daddy. But your colleagues are all giving me a look as if they were saying I betrayed you or lured you into my trap to have a father for my baby, which I can assure you I did not!"

I kept talking, getting myself so worked up that I felt dizzy again and quickly asked Sean to hold Paul.

"Why? Aren't you feeling well again? Come, let me hold you both and help you walk the last couple of steps. Now you can sit down and I will lift your legs onto the stretcher. See, your skin is already gaining a bit of colour again. I'll hold Paulie while you try to calm down, okay?"

I nodded, tears in my eyes, because he was so worried all of a sudden. And then I just felt as if I had done something wrong and that weird idea spread through my thoughts but I kept it to myself at first. No need to cause any arguments until I knew if I was really pregnant or maybe had just caught some virus.

Sean though seemed to sense at least some bits that caused my distress and leaned down to peck my lips. Then he grabbed my hand and held it in his until I started to calm down.

"Better?" He wondered and I sighed and nodded. He managed to smile at me lovingly, then asked a few more questions.

"Help me a little bit, darling. When was your last period? Because my brain is kinda empty right now and I can hardly remember anything at all. And do you think you can get to the toilet to pee on a stick? It's the quickest way to be sure. Then we can do any further examinations and stuff."

I smiled wearily and let him pull me into a sitting position.

"I think I can handle to pee on a stick. Thank you for helping me unwind."

Instead of a stick he handed me a plastic cup and told me to bring a urin sample back to him. I did and he held the thin stripe into the fluid for a couple of seconds then placed it in a test tube to not stain any surface with the urin.

"Well, same as with a regular home test, we'll wait for three minutes and then we'll know. How are you feeling? Not only physically, but also mentally." He asked and I knew he did it to distract me and let the time pass quicker.

I shrugged.

"What about you? How do you feel? I mean, when I told you what I assumed, you looked very concerned. Can you tell me why? Certainly not because of me throwing up twice and those tiny little things that could mean something yet not necessarily have to. So just spit it out, please." I pleaded.