Hannah's POV
"You don't like it, do you?" Dakota asks nervously as I stare into the mirror.
"I don't know how to feel, but that's not your fault. I feel happy and sad, as though cutting my hair was the death of old me. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but just to make room for more problems. I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense," I shake my head, confused as I begin crying.
"We all have to accept change, and how we grieve and process it differs from others. You'll find your way through this because you're strong. I have hope for you," Dakota says before hugging me gently.
"Hannah, your shaking. Are you okay?" Dakota pulls back, looks into my eyes, and gasps.
"G-g-get J-Jonathan," I stutter, unable to hide how cold and alone I feel.
"Jonathan!" Dakota yells out as I feel as if I'm frozen in the middle of a blizzard.
"I heard. Is she okay?" Jonathan asks as he runs across the room.
"I'm s-s-so c-c-cold," I stutter as I begin shivering.
"Shit. It's barely been eight hours. I'll dose you again, Hannah. Stay with me," Jonathan murmurs as he grabs something from his pocket.
"All I see is a hopeless darkness. I feel so alone," I cry as hot tears stream down my face.
"It's like last time, but not as bad," Lila whispers.
"Panic attacks?" I hear Eli ask.
"Yes, and also PTSD," Jonathan murmurs before I feel him wrap his arms around me. "You may not remember your time in Purgatory, but your mind does, and it's hiding it from you because it was traumatic. Fight through it, Hannah. What are four things you can feel?"
"Your arms around me," I mumble as I lean back and feel him with my hands. "Your scruffy beard." I pat my way to the top of his head. "Your hair." He grabs my hand, laces his fingers through mine, and grabs a fistful of my hair. "And my hair."
"Good, baby. Three things you can hear."
"Our heartbeats and your thoughts. Keep them in control, please," I groan.
"Fine," he growls and clears his throat. "Two things you can smell."
"Mountain mint and fire?" I question.
"Eli, knock it off!" I hear Lila yell.
"One thing you can taste."
I can feel Jonathan leaning in to kiss me, and I dodge him by putting my head into his chest. "My tears," I whisper before opening my eyes. I lean back and look Jonathan in the eyes. "Why is it that your scent calms me?"
His hazel eyes are a beautiful mixture of green and brown, and they gaze at me longingly. I can hear his thoughts of the countless times he had to do this, of worrying about me because he loves me. "You shouldn't love me," I whisper before wiggling out of his embrace. "Put me to sleep, please. Wake me up when you guys are done," I plead into his eyes before he nods slowly.
He whispers something, lightly touching my forehead, and I succumb to the darkness again.
I smell mountain mint. I open my eyes to Jayce handing me a steaming mug of tea.
"I knew you'd wake up to the smell of tea," Jayce chuckles as I gladly take what he's offering.
I sip on the hot tea and nearly choke as it goes down when I notice Jayce's long hair is now buzzed. "You really meant all or nothing with your hair, huh?" I giggle as I try to swallow down the tea.
