Little Bitch

Chapter 68

"Really?"

"Yeah, I went to see Jay."

He was the one who mentioned him before, so it felt safe to ask this. "How are you processing. You know. All of it."

We hadn't really talked about it again. I felt like I wasn't being supportive enough.

"Blake." Josh gave me a tired smile. "Jayden has been dead for seven years now. I don't mean to say I'm not sad about it anymore. And I don't mean to say it doesn't fucking hurt still. But if I still couldn't function properly, there would be a problem. I'm sad, but I'm not always sad. I'm more often not sad. And I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I just... I felt like none of us grieved properly, you know?"

"I went to see your grandparents during Jay's death anniversary. I try to do it every year. I've accepted his death."

I said what he didn't say, but I knew he meant to say. "My parents haven't. I hadn't."

Josh patted my back, as we kept walking side by side. "So, don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. I really am."

"It just feels like you carry more on your shoulder than you let on. You do it quietly. And I don't want you to have to do things on your own."

Josh grabbed my neck in a headlock. "Aw, my little brother is growing up."

I untangled myself from his grasp, laughing. "I am."

"Did you finally get laid? Finally popped that cherry," Josh said, giving my arm little punches.

I swatter his fists away. "You know I'm not a virgin."

Josh rolled his eyes at me. "Might as well be."

"I don't kiss and tell."

"So, still haven't put to good use the French maid uniform." He shook his head, disappointed. "Seriously, I'm getting annoyed at this point."

I ignored his comment, and instead said, "There's no need to rush. Me and Lexi, it's not going to end anytime soon."

Josh gave me a wishful look. "It's good that you see a future with her, but also remember that sometimes you miss the things you wait for, for too long. Sometimes it's okay to be a little impulsive with the people you love."

I didn't really know what to say to that. I just wrapped and arm around his shoulder, to hug him at my side.

Josh automatically pushed me away. "Let go of me you weirdo!" he whined, making me laugh.

We'd gotten to the car at this point, so we both got in and I drove away.

Once we were out of the parking, I cleared my throat. "So. In the spirit of talking about our significant others, and how you're doing good," I started to say.

Josh stopped me. "We're not talking about the Beatles lover."

"Why not?"

Josh let out a loud sigh. "Well, for one thing, me and her, that's a disaster in the making."

I grinned victoriously. "So, there is a you and her?"

"I mean..." he shrugged. "There's something."

"Do you want more?" I asked carefully.

"Right now, I want my bed and to hug Miss Puss," Josh replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the window.