Balance: Benedict Bridgerton's Tale

Chapter 20: Ruse

"He found out didn't he?".

Her expression betrayed that he was right, but she kept her mouth shut just the same.

"Tommy saw us that day, confronted you, you argued, he went away, visited a pub, drank too much probably and unfortunately ended up in an accident. ".

He did not finish the sentence as it dawned on him, acknowledging his part in this catastrophic event.

"I never meant for something to happen to Tommy. I am so sorry, Alina," he said, staring at her again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked pleadingly, "I could have helped you..."

"With what? Ruin my life even more?" she interrupted him. He was taken back by the accusation, she could tell.

"Do you honestly believe that? That I ruined your life?" he asked sadly.

"I do, I wish I had never seen you that day at Madame Delacroix's," this statement, making him even more sad she could see.

He shook his head in disbelief, not wanting to believe what she had just said, to him, their meeting had been one of the most beautiful moments of his life.

"Alina, I can only imagine how you must feel. I feel horrible myself too but-".

"Shut up. Don't pretend that you care about him, you don't. You people. You rich 'folk'. You don't care about us. All you do is use and abuse the lower classes for your own gain. People warned me but I didn't want to see it. I was so foolish. Tommy, he took my hand when you dropped it, when you left and instead of being grateful that he took care of me, loved me, genuinely loved me, and look what I did. I repaid him with lies and infidelity. I will never forgive myself for his death. It is easy for you to say that you feel horrible, but you aren't the one having to look at your son's eyes every day when he asks where his father is. So please spare me your sentiments. I don't need to hear about your feelings of guilt, I have a hard enough time dealing with mine," she concluded sternly.

""You're right. I apologise, I am sorry, I am sorry for everything. For not pursuing you, for not marrying you, for giving a shit about what society's rules are. For NOT taking your hand when I should have. That being said, please allow me to explain what the last two years felt like. Not knowing where you were, if you were even alive, I was sick with worry and thought I never see you again. I was so relieved to find you... and now that I have, don't expect me to just stand here and lose you once more, because I can't, Alina. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am begging you to please, give me a chance to make things right. The only way.. I know how to.."

"What do you mean?."

He took a deep breath to steel himself before he continued.

"I want you to come back to London with me", he suggested.

Her gaze showed surprise, a slight twinkle that, however, quickly extinguished again.

"In what capacity? I will no longer be your dirty little wh-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence. Don't sully what we had, no, what we HAVE and make it into something it's not, like you always do. I love you. I've always loved you. I will always love you; you can twist and turn it into something that is entirely not factual, but I know what my truth is. I know what OUR truth is BUT If you want to know, what about the capacity of being my wife".

"Your wife?," she repeated incredulously.

"Yes, my wife, I want to marry you. I want you and your son to come live with me. Where you belong, with me. I'll treat and raise him as my own, Charlotte would be delighted to have another child in the house. I would be delighted to have both of you. I made grave mistakes, but we have a chance now don't we? A chance to be together, finally, without apprehension. I don't care what people think all I want is you."