Runaway

Prologue

"So you could give me wings to fly...and catch me if I fall..."

It's been eight years since I left him . . . on our wedding day. Ngayon na lang ulit kami magkikita, sa ganitong pagkakataon pa.

He was singing a love song . . . in front of the casket full of flowers. Wala halos bisita pagdating ko. Probably because sobrang alanganin ng oras. Ala-una ng madaling-araw, wala naman sigurong dadayong bisita sa lamay nang ganitong oras maliban kung huling araw na.

"Or pull the stars down from the sky. . . so I could wish on them all . . ."

Ang daming bulaklak sa tapat ng altar. Karamihan ng mga may white ribbon, nakasulat ang pangalang Audree Sioco. Halos mapuno na nga ang harapan sa dami. Blangko ang mga upuan kaya lalong malamig ang buga ng AC. Nakaupo siya sa wooden chair na nandoon sa tapat ng kabaong, tapik-tapik ang glass habang kumakanta nang mahina at mabagal.

Nakasuot siya ng white T-shirt at khaki shorts. Slides lang din ang suot niya at hindi sneakers o mamahaling sapatos. Kauuwi ko lang galing Canada, ito agad ang dinayo ko. Iniwan ko siyang umiiyak, bumalik akong umiiyak pa rin siya.

"But I couldn't ask . . . for more . . ." Bigla siyang huminto saka ako nilingon.

Nasa gitna pa lang ako ng chapel, natigilan din ako sa paglakad.

Connor used to have gleaming eyes full of energy. Parehas sila ni Carlisle, although mas sweet ang tingin niya sa akin mula pa noon.

But that was long ago. All I could see were his weary eyes, his dark eyebags, and his thin lips bearing no emotions or words. Just by looking at him, I could feel how tired he was kahit kararating ko pa lang galing ibang bansa.

"My condolences, Coco," I said first before a proper, sincere greeting from an old friend he used to have. Since I left him on our wedding day, I have treated myself as nothing but a stranger to him.

He just tiredly blinked and nodded at me. He offered the pew in front of the altar, near where he was seated, without saying anything.

I walked at a slower pace and sat more unhurriedly than I usually do, lalo't may ugali akong padabog kung umupo sabay taas ng mga paa sa armrest.

Seeing him when we were 23 and now that we're 31 felt so awkward and sad at the same time. It felt like I was facing a complete stranger with a memory of someone I used to know.

"Kararating mo lang?" tanong niya, at pansin kong sobrang malat ng boses niya kahit pa iba ang timbre niya kanina habang kumakanta.

Sinagot ko ang tanong niya. "Yeah."

Nagbuntonghininga siya at pumaling paharap sa nakabukas na casket. "Sana umuwi ka muna. Puwede ka namang pumunta bukas."

"I honestly didn't think of that. Probably because going home means something different to me since I left."

The silence engulfed us, giving me chills and an unwanted sadness that I had expected but did not accept.

I wanted to see the lady he was mourning, pero natatakot akong sumilip sa kabaong. Sapat na siguro sa aking makita ang pagod at lungkot sa kanya—ayoko nang makita pa ang ibang mukha na hindi na naman ako patutulugin nang maayos.

"Hindi ba siya nakaabot sa kasal n'yo?" pagbasag ko sa katahimikan naming dalawa.

"Ayaw niyang ikasal sa 'kin," deretsong sagot niya, titig pa rin sa kabaong.

"Puwede ko bang malaman ang reason?"

"Ikaw ang reason. Hindi mo na kailangang itanong."

May sasabihin pa dapat ako pero inalis ng sagot niya ang lahat ng follow-up questions ko sana. Natahimik na naman tuloy kami.

Ako ang reason kaya hindi na naman siya naikasal sa babaeng pinaglalamayan namin ngayon.

Gusto kong malaman ang dahilan kung bakit, pero ayokong magtanong sa ngayon.

Nakikita ko pa lang siya sa mga segundong ito, ayoko nang isipin na selos ang dahilan o kuwestiyunable ba ang pagmamahal niya sa Audree na ito para lang hindi siya nito pakasalan.

I stared at Connor's pale face. I could see that he took care of himself better than I imagined. Nag-assume lang siguro ako na pinabayaan niya ang sarili niya pag-alis ko. But he didn't look like it. He might be sad and weary as I stared at him, but he looked more mature and fine-looking than the last time I saw him. He aged like a fine wine.

"Where are your things?" he asked in between our silence.

"Outside. Sa baggage area. Pinababantayan ko sa guard," pagturo ko sa labas ng chapel.

"Sana dinala mo na lang dito. Dinagdagan mo pa ng trabaho yung guard."

"I don't want you to see me as someone who lost a home."

"With or without suitcases and bags, I see you as that."

Connor was offending me, sure of that, but he didn't wield enough power to hurt me that deeply with his subtle insults.

He took something out of his back pockets, and that earned me a raised eyebrow.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaliwang kamay niyang inaabot niya sa akin. May nakalahad na roong keychain na may photo pa nila ng babae—itong pinaglalamayan naming dalawa—kasama ng key fob at mga susi niya.

I felt a thick prick in my chest. It was an unexpected pain because I never saw Connor loving any girl aside from me. And now, I'm seeing the proof in his hands.

"Umuwi ka muna. Nandiyan sa parking lot ang kotse ko."

Tumitig ako sa keychain at naipunan ng tanong sa utak.

Ayaw mo ba akong ihatid?

Ayaw mo na ba akong makita?

Ayaw mo na ba akong makasama ngayon kaya pinauuwi mo na ako?

Malalaman ko ba kung saan ka na ngayon nakatira?

Pagkatapos kong makauwi, ibabalik ko pa ba sa iyo nang personal ang kotse mo o ipapi-pick up mo na naman kay Carlisle mula sa amin?

Pagkatapos ng araw na 'to, makakausap pa ba kita o hindi na?

Sa dami ng naipong tanong, wala akong nasabi ni isa. Kinuha ko na lang ang keychain at tumayo na.

"I'll come back. Wait for me," I told him.

"Ikaw ang bahala."

That was all, and I didn't hear anything apart from that. Although I was hoping for something else aside from ako na ang bahala.

I walked with a heavy heart and shoulders bearing weights I didn't ask for. I stopped at the chapel's doorway and looked back at where Connor was sitting.

I really thought that I would leave with nothing but myself until I saw him watching me leave.

It wasn't the same eyes I saw when I left him eight years ago. His eyes were tired, but the sadness they had wasn't because of me leaving, but for something else. And all he had for me at this very moment was a sincere reminder.

"Mag-ingat ka sa biyahe, Ram."

I smiled, as sincere as my lips could be.

"I will. Babalikan kita mamayang umaga."

I didn't say goodbye since neither of us needed to.

♥♥♥

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