StrayKids Imagines X

Hurting Yourself (Bang Chan)

*TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM MENTIONED* Please skip if you are easily triggered and if you are struggling please please reach out to a trusted person that can help. Your not alone and people care! Look after yourself

Chan knew that you had been struggling more recently. You seemed to be more tired from not sleeping, diet changing and not being so interested in things you normally are. He had also noticed that you where wearing hoodies again. It was summer though where it was pretty hot almost too hot for jumpers. Chan knew you have had struggles with hurting yourself before but knew you had gotten better recently. So seeing you wearing hoodies again was worrying him with the changes in how you were acting.

You had a stressful day recording a new song with 3racha and was clearly not in a good mood. The car ride home you was completely silent even when spoken to. If you replied it was a single word or some sort of noise like a grunt. It was the most out of character Chan had ever seen you. As you got back home everyone was sat in the living room waiting for you guys so that food could be arranged. You decided to stay downstairs with everyone but kept to yourself and didn't join in on the food deliberation talk. Chan had noticed that you kept silent and didn't speak up, "Y/n are you good with this plan for food?" he asked trying to get some sort of response out of you but you just nodded your head and went back to what you where doing on your phone. This started to worry Chan even more because he hadn't actually heard you talk all day apart from recording.

As Chan went to get food sorted with Changbin and Lee Know he could hear some sort of commotion starting in the living room. Hoping it would be resolved he stayed in the kitchen trying to ignore it. Once the commotion started to becoming shouting and it was you and I.N shouting he couldn't ignore it any longer. I.N and you where known for arguing but never this bad where you would shout at each other like this. As Chan walked into the living room he just hears I.N shout, "I hate you! What is your problem!" before everyone went silent noticing he was there. You stormed out but Chan tried to stop you which didn't work and you ran to the bathroom slamming the door behind you. "What is going on?! Does someone care to explain?!" Chan asks clearly annoyed at what he just walked in on. No one wanted to speak up so he looked to Felix who would always tell him what happened, "Y/n and I.n started fighting over who's got better vocals and it got way out of hand to the point they where insulting each other.". I.N speaks up after, "I don't know what happened I guess i'm just stressed and got annoyed and lashed out. I'm so sorry Chan I really am!" he says almost crying from the guilt of whats just happened. "I'm not the one you should be saying sorry too. I'm going to go check on y/n everyone stay here. I.n we'll sort this out she hasn't had a good day either." Chan says before going to the bathroom to check on you.

You had locked the door behind you and Chan could hear your cries from outside the door. He knocked and asked, "Y/n its Chan please open the door." but he was just met with a harsh "No leave me alone!". He knew he couldn't just leave you. "Y/n please open the door I'm really worried about you. If you don't open the door I will find the key and come in myself." You still gave the same answer so Chan went to grab the spare bathroom key. When he opened the door the view he saw broke his heart. You where sat on the floor curled up crying face all puffy and red. With a bloody razor blade in your hand and your arm being red with blood. Chan came in and shut the door behind so that no members would see what's going on. As you saw Chan's face you just cry out, "I'm sorry Chan I'm really sorry I couldn't hold it in any longer." as he then pulls you in for a hug. His heart was absolutely shattered seeing you in this state. He was also worried about your arms and wanted to tend to them so he picked you up and rested you onto the bathroom sink. Lifting your head up to look at him he asks softly, "I'm not mad or upset at you okay. I need you to tell me though have you hurt yourself before today?" you just nod in response crying more. It felt like you had let him down. You had been clean for so long since he started to help you so relapsing and keeping it a secret felt like you betrayed him almost. He grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet, "This is going to sting okay but I need to clean and bandage them" and started to clean them. Once he had cleaned them and they had stopped bleeding he could see the previous cuts from days before and the old scars. He ran his fingers across the old scars kissing them feeling so sorry for you and wishing he could take your pain away forever. After bandaging the cuts up he made you look at him as he then gave you a kiss on the forehead before giving you the biggest hug. "Y/n I'm so sorry. Please talk to me don't let this happen seeing you like this hurts. You being in pain as you think that's the only way to stop your mental pain isn't good for you. I'm here for you and any of the other boys are to. We all love and care about you even I.N before you say anything. I think you have both been very stressed out with all this work for the come back and you just butted heads. Now I spoke to him and he is incredibly sorry so I think it might be worth having him come in and you two say sorry to each other before going back out to everyone. So do you want to do that?" Chan says as he lets you out of the hug. You stutter "Yeah I didn't mean what I said to him. Sorry for not telling you earlier I don't know why I didn't talk to you. When you go to get I.N can you let the boys know whats happened? I don't want to leave them in the dark and then come out with bandages on my arms." as he nods and smiles before going to get I.n.

You moved into Chans bedroom instead of staying in the bathroom to wait as he got I.n. As I.n walked into the room you heart sunk at him crying so you ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug. You both spoke over each other saying, "I'm so so so sorry! I didn't mean what I said" as you just hugged. Chan stood watching to make sure you where both okay. You hated seeing I.n cry so you said, "Hey non of this is your fault I've not been feeling good for a while now and today tipped me over the edge. It's not your fault and I don't blame you at all okay! Now don't say anything to protest. Let's go back with everyone else and watch a film and relax." as you walked to the living room holding I.n's hand and Chan just gave you a smile for how you handled the whole situation.

As you walked into the living room everyone looked concerned but didn't ask any questions as you had seemed to calm down. On the sofa they had made room for you and I.N between Lee Know and Felix. As you sat down Felix gave you a hug before holding your hand to do circles on the back of it. "I get to pick the film right?" you ask as everyone then nods and you start laughing and answer "Lets watch frozen!".

Please look after yourself! If you got triggered by this go read beach or late night walk to get your mind off of this and have a happier story to read. Or go watch or listen to stray kids! Remember if you are struggling with self harm or mental health in general reach out to someone you trust for help and stay safe. You are loved and cared about!