"I don't know who to look out for my friends or my enemies" -Est Gee
After being abandoned by her brother and jailed, Jersei has to learn how to make it on her own. But after years of hide and seek jersei find him, and maybe live too?
Money, Lies...
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I was exhausted. My eyes dropped on my face and I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. My bed was sucking me in, in an uncomfortable way. I've never been more tired in my life.
The funeral was set for tomorrow, I just needed to get through that and maybe everybody would leave me the fuck alone. I know that sounds bad but I'm so tired of the " I'm sorry". Half these people didn't even know her like that.
This whole week feels like a haze, I remember making preparations and all that but what about the rest of the time. More than anything I was sad, I feel like my heart is physically hurt. At one point I'm sure I had a heart attack or something.
I never thought this would happen, maybe when she was older in her hundreds or something. Then I could let her go peacefully because she had lived out her life. I was so caught up, I never stopped to think somebody would be stupid enough to actually touch her.
Maybe I should have just went over there, or reminded her to lock her door. I should have been more consistent, told her more. Maybe I should have lived a honest life. I've hurt so many people that maybe this was my karma, life coming back to hit me where it hurts the most. My most sensitive spot; my mama.
She was so young, not in age but in spirit, she had so much more she could have done. But not only is she gone, they violated her in her own home. Her safe space, where she rested every night. Where most of my memories resided now I couldn't enter the house without picturing her on the floor bleeding out. All alone.
That pain was back, sometimes I think I might just die too. I used to have thought as a kid, about when I would grow up and my mama wouldn't be here anymore. I wasn't prepared, the tears I spared back them just thinking about was nothing compared to this.
The movement down stairs continued, they haven't left my house since I got the news. They thought I was going to do something's stupid. Or maybe they would come in my room and I would just be gone. So they sent someone to check on me every 30 minutes. The sigh that left me felt like my souls exiting. Blankets left my skin as I stood up and slowly made my way to my bathroom.
I've let myself go, my hair was matted. My face was unwashed. The oil build up on my skin was causing me to break out. I looked away from the mirror and sighed, that seemed to be the only thing I was doing now days. Reaching behind the shower curtain I twisted the noob to turn on the hot water before stripping down. You could see my ribs through my skin as my stomach had sunken.
I stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over me. I felt it go through my hair and down my back. And suddenly I felt so much more drained, like I could fall asleep right then. I pushed my body to continue as I racked conditioner through my hair to untangle the knots. My arms felt like they weighed tons, I was fighting for every movement.
When I was finally finished I stepped out the shower the cold air hitting my like a brick wall. I wrapped the fluffy black towel around my body and made my way back to my room. I put on my undergarments and grabbed my lotion. I shook the bottle before lathering it on my body. I grabbed my sweat suit and got dressed. I laid back as the tiredness took over. I had no more energy.
I decided I felt like eating today, maybe that would make the sick feeling go away. I stood up before making my way to my stairs. They made no noise as i made my way down them.
The way my house was set up you had to walk past the living room to get to the kitchen. When I walked past the living room I noticed Jaida wasn't here anymore, earlier she told me she got invited out to the mall with her friend. I guess she decided to go. I counted my way to the refrigerator where I picked out fruit, something like and easy to go down.
I haven't ate in a couple days and I didn't really feel like throwing up. I sat at the table and ate silently. Suddenly I feel eyes on me and look up to see everyone looking at me. I sighed and picked up my food, making my way back upstairs. I took note of diesel following me. Today was such a long day. ——————————————————————————- Hey yallll, 😬
I know I haven't been active but I'm going to start updating again. Does anybody still read this book?
