My Own Way

Chapter 6

"Yeah." I said while nodding my head.

"Why do you not tell me? I know the questions are very irritating and maybe I am turning like my mother... that thought I find very troublesome but..." She said.

"When I use to tell you everything, you had this look in your eyes. I felt like I was ripping your heart out of your chest. I hated...I hate that look, so I just stopped. I don't want to see you cry over the past anymore. I love seeing you smile and happy... I just don't want to make you cry." I told her.

"When I see someone I love in pain, I'm in pain. I want to see my kids and Derrick smile and laugh. How can I be happy if I know one of you is hurting?" She asked.

I thought for a little bit and I couldn't find an answer to that. "I don't know."

"I know more than anyone else about our past. I remember things everyday, little flashes and sometime I can even remember the smell of that room. I have nightmares about it, even to this day. You need Emily, I don't think that will ever change but I have answers that she doesn't and I lived it, right with you." She said.

"You still have nightmares...flashes? You never told me that."

"You never asked." She said smiling, making me smile in return.

"Okay, I get it." I said, laughing a bit.

"So next time you come over, if you want, we'll talk. No questions...well maybe a few, we'll see." She said.

"Next time?" I asked.

"As much as I love Justin, Nicole and the girls, I don't share that part of my life with them. Justin knows a lot more than the others. I know you don't share that part of your life with everyone too. I don't like to remember, who would, but I don't speak about it to just anyone. It's not about being ashamed, judged or pitied. Most people...I'm afraid they won't understand."

"I feel the same way." I said to her. I was surprised. For the first time in years I could understand my mother better.

She smiled and put one arm around my shoulders, squeezed a bit and kissed the side of my head.

"I love you baby." She whispered. "Always have and always will. That's never going to change."

That made me smile. "Love you too mom."

She let me go, "We need to continue before they get here or before the dinner burns." She said making me laugh.

We got back to work. She checked on the chicken that was in the oven while I continued to cut vegetables that were going in the salad.

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I was cutting the bread that my mother had made. She had bought a bread maker a couple years ago and since then she always made the bread herself instead of buying it. It was the best bread I had ever tasted and everyone in my family knew that I couldn't be trusted alone with it or else it would all disappear.

I heard the door bell and I looked over at my mom.

"Do you want me to answer?" I asked her.

She smiled, "Yes please, that would be great." I nodded, grabbed a slice of bread and made my way to the door.

"I saw that!" My mom yelled.

"I know!" I yelled back laughing.

I took a big bit from the bread and opened the door.

"Hey there kiddo!" My uncle yelled out.

I smiled but kept my mouth closed. He looked at my hand and saw the bread. He smiled and shook his head.