Cuddle Bug (Bucky x reader)

Guns and secrets

"Baby, we got enough to last a week" Bucky said as the pair of you walked in with two armfuls of bags each.
"Even more reason to keep coming back on the weekends" you said in a sing-song voice and he chuckled in response.
"How are we going to eat two pints of strawberries in one day?" Bucky continued to chuckle.
"That's for breakfast," you grinned, and made your way to the kitchen. You set down your bags, and he quickly sided up beside you and put down his bags too. You quickly opened the bags and started opening them while Bucky went outside to get the luggage for the weekend. It wasn't lost on you that he had brought a gun again with extra ammo. The thought that he was always carrying a weapon bothered you a little. You felt safe again. The doctor was on the raft, and you had already intercepted the communication that they were going to attack the raft so there was no reason to be alarmed. As far as Hydra was concerned, you were back under the radar again, or at least for now. You made quick work of putting away all the groceries and went into the bedroom where Bucky had not only one gun, but three guns laying on the bed with all the ammunition and you huffed slightly.
"Really?" you asked with a hint of annoyance.
"It's necessary," Bucky shrugged as he hung up one of his sweaters.
"Those aren't necessary. I don't mind the fact that you feel the need to always have one on you, but three? Come on Bucky" you crossed your arms.
"You might feel safe, but I don't. Not yet" he shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Baby, they don't know where this place is. Tony has cameras everywhere as it is" you started to pace in the room.
"Doll, I'll put the guns away in the safe, but I just feel safer having them," he said softly, noticing the lights were flickering again.
"It just makes me feel even more unsafe with you always bringing them with you all the time" you pouted slightly.
"But you aren't safe!" Bucky said, as though he was losing his patience.
"This house is safe" you said, dangerously close to losing your temper.
"It's not Y/N. You had your phone on you when you visited this place and they were tracking you. I swore on my life they would never hurt you again, and I will keep that promise until I take my final breath" he said, his voice still slightly raised.
"Bucky, I don't want to see the guns. This is supposed to be a work free zone, and you are bringing work home" you huffed, raising your voice.
"You don't understand," he growled.
"Well I won't understand if you don't talk to me!" you finally snapped. "Don't think I'm stupid, you've been hiding something and I don't like it so it's either you tell me the truth or I walk," you threatened with a glare.

"What do you mean?" he asked in shock. His body was suddenly frozen in place and his stomach burned with anxiety.

"I think you know exactly what I mean. I'm going back and it's not going to include you if you don't tell me the damn truth!" you said with a face void of emotion.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I've been telling you the truth" Bucky argued.
"Okay, why do you get out of bed during the night and come back when it's almost time to get up? Why do you spend so much time at Steve's place lately without me" you said, started to get riled up.
"I didn't know it was illegal for me to go be with my best friend," he snapped. "I've been having nightmares, I didn't want to wake you" he added, raising his arms and slapping them down again against the side of his legs in aggravation.
"You said that I help with the nightmares" you said, your voice going soft.
"Since you were taken, it's been harder" he growled.
"Then why have you been missing your therapy appointments?" you asked exasperated.
"How do you know about that?" he asked, a little surprised.
"Tony complains," you shrugged. "You've missed every single one for over a month now" you added.
"I've been doing better without it" he grabbed the ammunition off of the bed and went to unlock the safe.
"How is this doing any better?" you demanded. He remained quiet, putting the ammunition away and then came back for the guns. He put them all away and stalked back out almost like he was a lion in a cage.
"We are getting off topic" Bucky finally said in a calm voice.
"I'm going for a walk. Alone" you turned and walked out, putting on your sneakers at the front door. He followed you as far as the door and stopped when you glared at him over your shoulder. You stormed out the door and slammed it behind you. Bucky watched intently through the windows as you went past the bathroom and living room before going back and heading down to the docks. Only then did he pick up his phone and dialed Steve.
"Hey Buck, shouldn't you be in lovers bliss right now?" Steve asked, picking up the phone with a chuckle.
"She noticed," Bucky said softly.
"What did you say?" Steve demanded.
"I told her the nightmares are back," he said with a soft sigh. "She threatened to walk, and I panicked," he admitted.
"But she helps with the nightmares. You are going to have to change your plans ya jerk" Steve said with a heavy sigh.
"I don't want to," Bucky groaned.
"Not everything goes to plan, you know that. Now go calm your girl down and get her back in the house" Steve said. "I'm watching the camera's. She's down at the dock and on her phone. They are calling for snow tonight, you don't want her getting sick do you?" he asked.
"No, but I'll give her time to cool off," Bucky sighed heavily. "Keep an eye on the cameras for me. Text me if I need to get out there."
"Will do" Steve hung up and Bucky was left with a silent house. He groaned and silently wished there was a gym nearby that he could take his frustrations out in. He had been keeping secrets from you, and didn't think you would notice. It had been hard to do, since the two of you were almost always together. He had put a lot of effort into this, and wasn't willing to spill the beans yet.

You walked down to the docks and gave a sniffle as silent tears of frustration came down your cheeks. You kicked at a few of the fallen autumn leaves that were crinkling under your feet. The air was chilly, and you regretted only coming outside in a sweater. You could almost feel the heaviness of snow coming already with how quiet it was outside. The water was frozen already in most spots as you looked out at the lake and you gave a tiny shiver.
Not knowing what else to do, since you indeed had thought Bucky was hiding something from you. You didn't know the nightmares had come back, and you felt awful for not realizing it. It made sense for him to sneak out of bed now and to be spending a little extra time with Steve. You sat down on the wooden dock and swung your feet above the frozen surface of the water, a slight chill going up your back from the cold surface. You took out your phone and called one of two people that you thought would be understanding.
"What's wrong?" Sam picked up the phone, a note of worry in his voice.
"We had a stupid fight" you sighed hearing your best friend on the other line.
"I'll beat his ass," he said quickly.
"No, it's on me this time. I was upset he was bringing so many guns to the house and thought he was keeping a secret from me" you admitted as you sniffled again. Sam got remarkably quiet and he gave a long sigh.
"Listen, those guns are necessary" he finally addressed one of the major issues.

"I hate them," you groaned.
"Like them or not, you were a target of Hydra once. What makes you think they won't try again?" Sam asked and you squirmed uncomfortably on the dock. "You aren't invincible" he reminded you.
"I know," you whispered.
"Now don't make me come down there to smack some sense into you Cuddle Bug" Sam said with a warning.
"No, that won't be necessary" you shook your head with a soft giggle.
"Now where are you at?" Sam asked.
"Outside" you gave a half smile, knowing he was probably already checking for himself.
"What are you doing outside without your jacket on?" he demanded, raising his voice.
"Hey, I already had someone raise their voice at me tonight, I don't need it from you too!" you were quick to defend yourself.
"Go get a jacket before you get sick" he growled.
"No, I'm giving Bucky space" you rolled your eyes.
"I don't need space, I just need you" Bucky said from behind you and you yelped.
"Put his ass on the phone, he ain't wearing a jacket either" Sam ordered from the other side of the phone. Bucky seemed to have heard that and he got down on the cold dock beside you and sat directly beside you sharing his body heat. He wrapped his right arm around your shoulders and took the phone with his left.
"What?" he asked, already knowing it was Sam on the phone.
"Don't mess up again" Sam said in a silent warning.
"I won't," Bucky promised.
"Now get both your asses inside before I drive over there myself" Sam hung up the phone.
"I know getting sick is bacterial, but you are pushing your luck" Bucky leaned in and kissed you on your temple.