The Bad Batch: A Heart-breaking Secret - Modern AU(Hunter x Crosshair) Complete!

Chapter 54

He wasn’t sure of how long they had travelled for or how far they had gone, all he was aware of was Cody’s hand gripping his own and leading him through some pathway through some woods that led to a nature park. He allowed his brother to lead the way as he took in the beauty of nature. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?” Cody turned to his brother who could only sigh. 

“My heart is giving up on me and I can’t deal with the emotional torture of Kix and Jesse’s deaths, some of it feel’s like my fault because before our holiday. The two asked if I would forgive them if they died while we were away and I explained that I would always forgive them but now that I think about it. Some small part of me thinks that I was stupid and I should have told them the truth, maybe if I did. The others wouldn’t be so furious at me and it wouldn’t be my fault for their deaths. I know it’s what they wanted for the pain to stop but I feel that if I did that and yes I’ve thought about it, I couldn’t do that to my loved ones but instead I feel like living, I am causing more pain than good. Just last night, Fives and Hunter pulled away from me after I explained my heart issue. It’s like a voice in my head telling me to pull the plug while another is arguing that if I do, I won’t be able to meet the next addition to the family, that I’m being a coward. Kote, I don’t know what to do…I’m struggling to deal with the pain, I know that my blood is rare and even if I do find a transplant, it will be too late and I will be gone. I’m terrified to go into surgery knowing there's a 70% chance, I won’t wake up. I…I’m a failure” Crosshair exclaimed, Cody could only sigh as he directed his brother to a nearby willow tree, sitting down he pulled his baby brother close to his chest. 

“Look I can’t even imagine what you are going through and the weight you have on your shoulders but from an outside point of view. I see you trying to juggle everything on your shoulders, even though there is help waiting for you. I see that you don’t want to pass your burdens because you feel the need not to share what could end up in pain for others. It would seem you live by a motto of dealing with others' pain while ignoring your own. I know stubbornness works in our blood but try to see it from others points of view. Hunter and Fives love you very much and they are probably saddened by the fact that one day could be your last and they don’t know whether it's today, tomorrow or even in years to come. Tech is your twin, a part of you, someone you have been with since birth, ignoring your military days which almost killed him when he couldn’t see you every day but ever since then, they two of you have been joint at the hip. I can’t imagine what Tech is thinking, he obviously let the alcohol talk last night but he sees you as a safety bracket and was showing real emotion to you to show he trusts you even if you did not get a chance to tell the truth, he forgave you before you could explain. Omega, Hera and Amber probably don’t exactly understand but even when you aren’t feeling your best, they are always there to brighten your day even if it's to put a smile on your face because they won’t know until it happens, that you might not be able to smile again. The younger three will not understand but when you are upset they can probably feel it, the fact that even when you are angry they are in the same room explains something, they feel safe around you no matter what. Wrecker is your best-friend and will do anything for you as you are to him, so don’t forget that. He has been through struggles with drugs in the past so he knows exactly what you are thinking, I suggest you sit down and speak to him about what’s on your mind, he can help just ask. I know you are stubborn and terrified but it’s nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help. Sometimes I forget I live with Obi-wan and the tall bastard watches me struggle sometimes but reminds me he’s there for me even when I don’t ask. So what I’m saying is remind yourself of what you have because one day it could all be gone, I think Kix and Jesse did that and ensured themselves you would all be fine without them because one they knew you all perfectly well and two, they knew you were all safe and happy” Cody took a minute for the information to process before he continued.

“I know they may have done selfish things but remember, Kix was in agony all the time and like you said in the past, pain must stop at one point. This may be through medication or life itself, but we both know the only way for Kix’s heart to stop hurting was for the beat to stop and we all knew Jesse would have fallen into severe depression, the two knew before they even took the pills that their children would be safe and on the right path without them. I think they even knew what you would do which is why you received them letters, their deaths were never your fault, plus the little voices. You need to speak to Hunter and Fives about that, the two love you but if you don’t communicate with them, then your relationship will start to fall apart. I know you think you are alone Tristan but remember this, you are never alone. Not anymore. I know I put you through hell in the military but like we both know, none of us had a choice which is why I want to say thank you for showing me the ways of freedom. Without you, I wouldn’t have gotten to know Anakin, Alicia and well..Anakin is having another child, so I’m going to be a grandad again. Tristan without you, I wouldn’t have made it all the way through life and I can clearly see that you have impacted many others even if you don’t know it, everyone is grateful for what you have done. No one would blame you if you needed help or a vacation. Sometimes, spending time away from the place you call home for a bit can help the mind. Do me a favour, just think about what I’ve said and we can go from there. I love you Tristan and will always continue to do so but here’s your reminder, I’m here for anything, contact me whenever and I do mean no matter the time I will try my best to respond. Post-traumatic stress disorders aren't one to beat alone, I should know” Cody smiled, kissing Crosshairs hairline. The younger man of the two sleepily nodded as he held tightly to his brother's top. 

“Get some sleep Tooka, I’ve got you. Your safe” Cody whispered, he knew his brother had listened to every word and had taken it all in, the question he hoped would find an answer is if Crosshair actually acted on it. He hoped he did otherwise he would have to involve his brother's siblings. Once he knew his brother was asleep, Cody scooped him up and headed for his car which he had parked perfectly if he did say so himself. Once Crosshair was secure, Cody pulled out of the car parking lot and headed for one place, the place of his brother's family. He barely managed to switch off the engine before a smiling Wrecker walked towards him, the bigger man yawning. 

“Want me to take him?” Wrecker asked, Cody shook his head scooping up his brother who remained in the world of sleep. Wrecker grinned watching the way Cody ignored both Hunter and Fives who looked on with worry. Once he had tucked his brother in and kissed his head, Cody headed down the stairs to the kitchen where worried individuals sat. Echo and Tech barely looked up only to see Cody enter with a protective expression on his face. Fives and Hunter shared a look while Wrecker made his famous hot chocolate. 

“Do me all one favour? Never leave that man upstairs who has gone through hell for us all” Cody said, all of them could only nod. 

“Are you staying for a hot drink?” Wrecker asked, the former commander only shook his head as he headed for the door, he shared a look with Tech who gestured they would speak tomorrow. 

“Oh and remind Tristan that you all love him. He’s drowning in self-hate again” Cody muttered, leaving the house with a gentle smile on his face as he climbed behind the wheel and drove off into the distance, a sunset lighting up the skies above, the sun peaking through the clouds with different colours mixing into one. For once Cody could breathe before he entered the mad house he called home.

Stay Tuned for the final chapters on the way very soon! Thank you for your patience! This book is sadly coming to an end - I must say I appreciate all who have taken an interest in this book as much as I have enjoyed writing it, I am glad others have enjoyed reading it.
Next update should be within the next two weeks (No promises) ;-)