All for Myself {dallyboy}

Late Morning

{Pony's POV}

I get into the bed, pulling back the blanket and then quickly covering up with them. The cool air in the house stings my naked legs and arms. Plus, I took a shower a second ago, so I was extra cold.

I  pull the chain of the lamp, and the room is dark, except for the blue moonlight that falls from the window across the floor.

I can feel my notebook underneath the mattress on my back as I turn to face the door. Soda should be here soon. I couldn't sleep very well unless someone slept with me, I don't know why. I overthink a lot and I can space out.

When im alone all I do is think about it. I fear those feelings will never leave me. Im scared of Curly and what he did to me happening again...

As I start to worry, Soda finally walks in.

"soda!" I whisper yell.

"hey, buddy. can we talk a second, just before bed?" He says, sliding into the covers next to me.

"yeah, soda- w-what is it?" I say nervously. I already knew Soda was gonna ask me about Dally, but how did he know? I was glad it wasn't Darry to find out first. He'd kill Dally and then me.

"well its just... how do you feel about- Dallas?" He says looking me in the eyes. I immediately tense up, my eyes growing wide. I hope he couldn't see how nervous I got in the moonlight.

"well- Dally's one of my best friends. I love him so much, he's a really good guy. w-why do you ask?" I play dumb. I know exactly what he's asking.

"no, pony. I mean like... how do you feel about him. i.... i don't wanna scare ya but I saw him wink at you, after you two went to the kitchen alone. what was that?"

I sit up in the bed and start to breathe a little faster. I don't know what to tell him. What if he doesn't accept me and tells Darry and kicks me out? What if he tells Dally to stay away from me? Oh no, no no no-

"Pony, please calm down, its alright-? Just breathe...." He puts his hand on my chest. I realize I've started to have a panic attack, or something like that. I don't regulate my breathing until Soda continues his affirming words and breathes with me. I calm down enough to be able to talk, but Soda speaks first.

"pony, now you have to tell me. what is that fucker doing to you? Im so sorry, I promised to never let you get hurt again and i-

"No!" I finally interrupt.

"Its the opposite, the exact opposite." I choke out. "I...I love him. Im in love with him! And he loves me back and is the most incredible boy! Im so sorry, im so so sorry but I love him!" I start to weep and Im ready to be hit, or told I need to leave.

Soda just looks at me sympathetically, before pulling me close into a warm hug.

"oh, ponyboy... thats all I meant.... I didn't mean to make you scared, I just wanted to know." he says, stroking the back of my hair.

"i-i was just so scared you were gonna h-hate me and tell Darry and k-kick me o-out or keep me away from him or o-or or-" Soda breaks away and puts his finger on my mouth.

"I would never, not ever. I can tell just how happy he makes you, and... its just obvious he adores you. Even if I cared about you being gay... I could never take your happiness. My baby brother deserves every bit of it he can get." He ruffles my ungreased hair. I see his tear streaked face in the reflected moonlight.

"t-thank you so much, soda..." I sniffle and lean for another hug.

"why don't we go to sleep, bub? you've had a busy day, and I know you're tired."