Devotion C.B

21

"See mommy's belly?" I asked, G nodding, "Your sister in here. We have to be careful, so mommy goes slow" I tried to explain, missing when I didn't have a toddler who mocked me all day long for being pregnant.

Gemma's speech and processing of sentence structures has been getting a lot better the more we've worked on, meaning she's become quite the little mouth talker about anything and everything, whether you want to hear it or not.

Things like, "You're getting big mommy!" was said to me one morning and I refrained from crying, explaining once again that we don't comment on peoples size and weight followed by re-explaining pregnancy to her.

Gemma is also starting to voice her preferences on food, meaning we are very quickly entering our toddler chicken nugget era.

"Have you thought any more about name ideas, G?" I asked, following her to the living room, seeing the barbie Colby had bought her laying next to a few stuffed animals.

"Name?"

"Mhm, for your sister. You know how you have a name? What's your name G?" I asked, taking a seat on the sofa, watching her thinking face shine through.

"Gemma!" She grinned, giggling.

"Mhm, know who else's name is Gemma?"

"Who?!"

"Nonna"

"NONNA?! Really?!" She yelled, getting a rare smile from me lately.

"Mhm, you're named after Nonna. You and Nonna share a name"

"Nonna die?" She frowned, my smile dropping.

"Nonna is dying" I nodded slowly, preparing myself for all her questions.

"Why?"

"Nonna's sick, remember?"

"I get sick I no die"

"No, you don't, baby, and I'm very grateful for that. Nonna has something called Cancer. Have you heard that word before?" I asked, Gemma's head shaking. "Well, there are different kinds of Cancer-"

"Wike cereal!" her brain clicked, my chuckle making her grinned as she rocked on the floor, unable to sit still.

"Yeah, like cereal" I smiled softly, "Nonna has a type of cancer that doesn't get better and now Nonna is dying from it. Remember what we talked about when someone is dying?"

"They no be here no more" She frowned, my head nodding.

"Yeah, we can't see or hear Nonna anymore. Coco is upstairs talking to Nonna for the last time, and then you can go talk to her, okay?"

She nodded, zoning out before asking softly, "No more Nonna?"

"No more Nonna, baby" I sniffled, trying my best to keep it together.

I never expected myself to have to sit here and explain death to my three year old.

"No more Papa?" She asked, my shoulders dropping as I leaned forward as best as I could.

"Papa will still be here, Gemma. You can still talk to Papa"

"Papa sad?"

"Papa will be sad, yes. Just like Mommy, and Logan, and Cynthia, and Landon, and Lexi, and Coco—"

"And Gemma!" She interrupted, her voice loud and assertive.

"And Gemma" I agreed, "Do you understand? Does it make sense, baby?"

"No more Nonna. No talk, no see Nonna no more"

"How do you feel about that, bug?"

"No Nonna?"