As the Ash Settles

Chapter Twelve: Bed, Baths and Boars.

"Then whose gods damn blood is it? And what is going on with Citrine?" Shadowheart started stripping the bed, ushering Citrine from it. "Burn them." She handed the pile of bloody sheets to Gale. "She told you to get out." Eyes narrowed at Astarion.

"Well, since I in fact am the most well-versed in blood, well maybe second if Citrine hadn't lost memories of her past life. I am not going anywhere. It's nice to be needed." He walked passed Gale and Shadowheart, his eyes interlocked with Citrine. "Are you okay?" when he touched her cheek her body gave the slightest tremble. His voice lowered. "Nothing happened between the elf and I. I just wanted to get under your skin. If I would have known I wouldn't even-" Clearing his voice. "Although it isn't her blood that doesn't mean it isn't somebody's blood by the smell I don't think it was human. If it was they have a horrible diet, I'd say boar." Citrine backed away from his touch as much as she wanted to fall into his arms.

"I'm sorry your little date didn't end with you getting to release yourself, if that is supposed to make me feel better it doesn't. You do not want to be with me, you're free to see or do whoever you please." She looked over to Shadowheart and Gale. "Could we have a moment alone please?"

"We will be in the living room should you need anything at all." a hint of protectiveness loomed from Shadowheart's voice. "Anything." She closed the door gently.

"I know you don't want to be around me, look at me or whatever else it may be. But, you came in here after I asked you to leave, please just tell me what I did wrong. I understand you don't want to be with me but why?"

"The whole part about me slowly killing you makes you think you did something wrong?"

"But, you aren't and I don't know how you can say that. There are zero lasting effects and even if Shadowheart were to stop healing me I could learn the spell on my own easily."

"My darl- the scars on your neck are a lasting effect, you'd be covered in more as the years pass. Forever marked by my affliction, that would be the burden you carry. I do not want to be with you not because you did anything, not because you might even murder me at any second, but because I don't want to stop you from a life you deserve to have, not one that depends on what I may or may not be able to do. I don't want to be with you because you deserve more. I was angry, and it is not fair for me to take it out on you or the others but seeing Gale console you when yet again it is me causing you pain was my breaking point. I do want to see you, even if it tortures me but I do not want to torture you with that same feeling. I long to be with you for eternity but I will not let you lead down this life, that is my decision I will not be with a partner who has a life, a beautiful life they could live."

"If you don't want to torture me, why last night would you, in front of me?" Her eyes swelled up with tears once more a single one fell. Astarion reached to brush it away, she pushed his hands back into the wall.

"I'll admit I did want to torture you then. What can I say I'm still working through some of my more toxic traits." he gave a small chuckle. "I'm sorry Citrine. What I did was unfair to you. Please?" He stepped forward hand outstretched. She took it, falling into him tears pouring. He held her, and a single tear fell upon her head. "As much as I enjoy the smell of blood in the morning we really should get you into a bath. I'm sure Gale has some glorious tub to soak you in."

And that Gale did, his washroom was one that was quite impressive, the tub and counters trimmed with gold. With a simple create water, and produce flame a warm bath awaited Citrine. Astarion turned to leave her. "Please don't go." Citrine tried to hold back the stutter from her voice. Astarion nodded, he turned his eyes to the ground as she undressed. Though he did steal a look. Her freckled skin told a story. When she had been infected with the parasite she had been reborn in a way, the Illitid's rejuvenation pod had wiped all past scars and left her like a baby fresh skinned, a new chapter in her life. And yet now scars littered her body, from puncture scars from daggers, or long thin lines from claws, and his own he had left upon her. He looked back down to the floor, if he wasn't to be with her he could not steal glances at her frame even if he wanted to. He heard the sound of her slipping to the tub, the water hugging her body, he lifted his gaze. Taking a towel from the sink, and the bar of soap that smelled of lavender and vanilla he walked to hand it to her. She took it softly their hands touched for only a moment. She plunged into the water soaking her golden hair, rising up she slowly started unbraiding one at a time handing the trinkets to Astarion. Rocks, gems, pearls, fabrics, feathers, shells her scars told stories but so did what she kept braided. A small wash of regret swept over him he was there for most of those stories but some he may not ever know how they got there.

She began scrubbing herself, blood mixing with the water, "Would you please get my back?" tentatively he took the soapy towel, and began to wash her. He tried his best to memorize each freckle. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I don't know if that was what you were trying to do last night but there is not a piece of me that could ever feel that way." She turned herself in the tub facing him. Her green eye reddened from her tears.

"It would be much easier if you did."

"Why didn't you sleep with her? Did you feed from her?"

"No, I think you will be the last person I ever do that with. It's not about me not wanting to mark anyone else, it's that I don't want to be close with anyone like that. And as for the sleeping, I just wanted you mad I never had any intention of being with her."

"Oh." She turned back around allowing Astarion to finish. He took his time, slowly circling each part of her back, her sides. He reached his arms around her, soaking the sleeves of his shirt, he kissed the top of her head longingly.

"I do wish it didn't have to be like this."

"Then it doesn't."

"But, it does. I let my anger win and was so willing to hurt you. How can I be with you if I let myself hurt you, over and over again? It's not healthy and it is not fair." He rested his chin on top of her head. A small smile appeared for a second, squeezing her tightly.

"Will you please hold me?" Citrine turned her head to face him.

"I don't think that is a smart idea my darling little elf." she turned away from him. Relief spread when she heard him begin to undress. His body slid slowly behind her. "I never claimed to be the most intelligent of folks." His body wrapped around her, holding her tight. She could feel every muscle claiming her own. Citrine never wanted this moment to end. She wanted back the promises of forever. She wanted nothing more than to never have to leave this tub. She tightened her body pushing into his embrace.