As the Ash Settles

Chapter Twenty-Three: Hushed Lies.

Citrine woke to find herself back in Gale's home, the hushed voices of her friends speaking in the hall. Her body was sore and bruised. Gale's words broke her examination of her body. "Astarion if you checked and the City Watched checked, I'm not trying to insinuate she is lying but, with her urges coming back perhaps someone got the better of her, that is an option." Citrine felt anger sweep over her.

"Gale, you'd be wise to keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself." Shadowheart hissed at him.

"I am not saying she is purposefully lying, perhaps she just saw that in lieu of what may have actually happened. We have to be open to all possibilities. It might not be safe for her to be on her own."

"You're being ridiculous. If Citrine said Akabi attacked her then that is what happened." Shadowheart's words were as unmoving as stone.

"Shadowheart, maybe Gale isn't wrong. I didn't find anything. I'd hate to think that way but there was no sign of that room, she could have been in some sort of trance, no matter what it was though we need to move forward and get on the road. Either she will murder someone or someone was trying to murder her." Citrine's anger grew she could understand Gale thinking of her like that but Astarion. He was supposed to know her heart, everything in her, and yet he was second-guessing her words.

"Both of you are idiots, I will no longer be a part of this discussion. Unlike you two I trust Citrine." She could hear Shadowheart leaving down the stairs.

"The mention of Akabi gave me an idea Astarion. Perhaps we do know a necromancer willing to help us. Lucretious. We did help her with the erm, retrieval of Dribbles, she might have a better idea than us having to find someone willing to part with their heart for Karlach. I'd say it's worth a conversation at the very least."

The two continued to discuss semantics as Citrine began to get out of bed, her heart hurt worse than her body. The ache of two of her friends losing trust in her own mind stung. Shadowheart was in her defense, she made a note to do something special for her friend. Citrine looked down at the nightgown she now wore she wondered who might have dressed her. More than likely Shadowheart, and Astarion had avoided her touch and Gale had too much respect even if she and Astarion were no more. She pondered on that, he brought her back from the dead at a large cost to himself it seemed, she would do the same for any of her friends so at least there was that. Or maybe it was because he never wanted to be indebted to anyone even in their death. She shook her head, her long hair now in a single braid flowing with her.

A soft knock broke her thoughts. "I'm awake." The door slowly opened revealing Astarion alone in her doorway.

"You took quite a fall last night, almost as large as the fall you took when falling for me." He let out a soft chuckle. "How are you feeling?" His eyes looked her over searching for anything that might still be hurt.

"I'm fine." Her words were short and cold she did not know how to feel towards him. If he really thought she could lie about the night before what else did he think her capable of?

"Are you truly?" He stepped to her closing the door behind him. His eyes longed for the truth, to fix whatever might be wrong.

"Sore, a little battered but more hurt that you and Gale could think so low of me." She turned from him changing into her normal attire, letting fabric linger around her curves, exposing her shape before fixing it.

"Low of you? I don't recall either of us thinking low of you."

"So just a liar then?" She turned to face him, anger clearly written on her face. Astarion walked closer to her shaking his head.

"Again no one called you a liar, if you're going to eavesdrop you should listen to the entire conversation. You've blacked out before we were just weighing options."

"You've been doing that a lot lately."

Astarion's eyes rolled, "If you didn't have a taste for murder then there wouldn't be any options to weigh. Since I've met you there has been danger around every corner and I am not blaming you for that but don't forget you tried to murder me once, I was able to stop you then. Who is to say someone couldn't do the same." He was clearly annoyed but compassion lingered in his words.

"I could say the same about you before I came across you trying to what was it? Slice my throat ear to pointed ear? All I had to worry about were mindflayers and demons."

"But, that isn't true you had a whole life before the ship, a life soaked in murder. You're memories might have been gone but sweet, little murderous elf you in fact had lived to kill. I simply added a few hunters and vampires."

Tears swelled in her eyes, she wondered if in her past life, she had been so emotional. "You're right."

"I appreciate you saying so, but this isn't about me being right though I am hardly ever wrong. I don't think I've been wrong once come to think of it." His smile was a breath of fresh air. He walked closer to her, he reached to touch her, but quickly he pulled his hand away not wanting to see his victims yet. "If you say it was Akabi then it was Akabi."

"Why won't you touch me?" Her head hung, tears silently falling. "Did I do something so horrendous to you that the thought sickens you?" She looked into his scarlet eyes, her own filled with sadness.

"I have touched you. When you fell, and no you don't sicken me what a preposterous thing to think."

"Just then thought you were going to comfort me then pulled away. I'm not blind-well I'm not blind like that. Why won't you touch me?"

Astarion smiled at her self-deprived joke, dropping it quickly he became solemn. "When I touch you I see every face, every emotion, every drop of pain of those I lured to Cazador. Saytr's little gift in exchange for your life I assume. A single game isn't enough." Citrine backed away from him, she bumped into the nightstand behind her.

"I'm so sorry."

"I don't need pity, I didn't ask for it. There is your answer, it is what it is." anguish in his words.

"I wasn't trying to pity you, I was apologizing for putting you in this situation in the first place." She climbed over the bed leaving ample room between the two. "I won't touch you. I'll keep my distance, you don't deserve to have to go through that. You set all the others free, you gave them a new lease at life."

"You are dramatic you know that? Climbing over beds and all." He sat down on the bed looking out the window, the sun pouring on his face. "I set seven thousand spawn loose in the Underdark I don't know what kind of new life that could be."

"A new life to not be under the thumb of-" She cleared her throat. "You gave them hope Astarion. You killed their master and they are free. You never wanted to hurt any of them. I don't know what these visions might entail but you'd be good to remind yourself that you never had a choice in any of that and when faced with a choice you saved them." She sat on the furthest point from him on the bed. "Though I don't plan on touching you hopefully you will never have to go through whatever it is you're going through again."