🍂- Heartstopper - Nick and Charlie -🍂

4.3 - Care

TW - anxiety, self harm

*Nick's POV*

C - I'm warning you, this might hurt a little.

I flinched again by the touch of the rubbing alcohol behind my neck. I tried to contain myself but I couldn't.

N - Oh fuck! Sorry, it just really burns.

Charlie was so gentle and understanding with me. I let out a few tears trying to hide it from him. He looked at me, instantly noticed, and wiped my tears.

C - It's okay Nick. I understand and I'm sorry if this hurts but I just really need to disinfect it so it can heal better.

He had brought me to his house, in his room. The same way I did when he came to my place, he had gotten me a glass of water and a cold, wet towel for my face. We were sitting in his bed and had stayed silent for a while as he was treating my wounds. 

N - Char... I just wanted to say thank you for today, for everything. I don't know what could've happened if you wouldn't have gotten to the library that fast.

C - Char?

N - Wow, that just slipped out.

I looked away and blushed immediately. 

C - No, it's okay. I liked that.

We stared in each others eyes for what felt like forever. His reminded me of deep black marbles that slightly lightened in the sun. I broke the moment and smiled to myself. 

He carefully finished taking care of my neck and had put some ice to stop the burning.

C - There you go. You're all cleaned up.

N - Thank you. 

C - You're welcome. Please, tell me, since when have you had panic attacks like that? It can be really dangerous Nick and I wouldn't want something bad to happen to you. If you don't want to talk about it that's totally fine too. 

Just the sound of the words "panic attack" gave me chills and I immediately started crying in him arms. After a few minutes I look up at him. 

N - Honestly, I never really knew what it was but after doing some research and read about anxiety and I related to so many points. Sometimes, I don't even know what makes them start, I guess just overthinking a lot gets me really anxious especially with school. It hasn't been easy for me and with what happened with you and... that asshole, I've just felt so guilty about it. I don't know, honestly, I'd have to go get checked out to see if it really is anxiety. It's been a few months now that I've had panic attacks at least once a week and I'm getting pretty exhausted.

I let out a few tears again.

C - Nick, I'm so sorry for not seeing it, I should've been there for you before. If anything like that happens again I want you to talk to me about it. And if ever you have other panic attacks, I want you to reach out to me so I can take care of you. 

We both lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. 

N - I don't know what I would do without you. It's funny to think that a few weeks ago I didn't even know who you were and now I feel like my life would be incomplete without you.

He turned to me and looked into my eyes like no one has ever did before.

C - Nick...

N - Char...

He placed his hands around my face while I gently grabbed his waist.

N - Is this okay?

C - More than okay.

Our faces got closer and the excitement in me grew bigger.

Our lips then met with the softest touch.