Tempting me

Live

This weekend sucked.

I got put on WarriorsRecap for hitting a girl in the face then I went haywire at Ricky's fucking party and almost hooked up with a ghetto redhead who was just trying to get into my pants.

I made a fool out of myself in front of Scarlett. Mrs. Wyatt and I had to have a heart-to-heart. My dad is back out on an unknown business adventure. And it's a Monday.

Sydney drove me back to Ricky's so I could get my car, but we haven't talked since.

And the worst part is, I have no idea what I said so I don't even know what I should be sorry for.

I've gone on all day without talking to one of my immediate friends.

I sat alone at lunch. I listened to music in both ears during every class. Sydney skipped Sports performance because she's so upset with me.

I didn't say anything to Yoda and he's still avoiding me.

I haven't felt this lonely in years.

All because of myself.

I self-sabotage.

I took an extra hot shower after practice. Extra long.

I have nowhere to be. No people to hang out with.

Once I was dressed, I put a hat on my head and sat on the bleachers, staring down at the ice.

I feel like a cliche high school girl who just lost all of her friends. I belong in Perks of Being a Wallflower or, I don't know, Speak.

Probably not Speak.

Definitely not Speak.

But that's how I feel.

If depression and anxiety had a baby and put that baby in a garbage disposal, turning it into garbage then threw it into a dumpster then lit it on fire making a literal depression-anxiety dumpster fire; That's what would describe my life.

"You're here late." Coach Whittaker sat on the bleachers next to me, also staring down at the ice. "You were off today."

"People have been saying that to me for weeks." I didn't look at him.

"Your dad was at senior night."

"It was my moms birthday. He's either drunk or normal on the 2nd. No in between."

"My dad was a drunk. Worse than your old man." He nodded, "He beat my mom and kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. Your dad is a grieving man who's working himself too hard." He flooded his hands, "That's not the reason you're upset."

"I feel lost, Coach. I mean, I have a decent life but I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."

He chuckled, "Did you plan out your entire summer?"

I looked at him, "Why does this-"

"Did you?" He looked intently at me.

"No."

"Why are you gonna plan out your life? Live it, Natalie. Don't get stuck with a 10 year plan that you're gonna force yourself to follow."

I stared at him. That was not the advice I was looking for.

"Look, I've known you for how long?"

I counted in my head. 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10, 11th, 12th. "Almost 10 years."

"Exactly. I know you well enough to know that whatever is getting you down right now, will pass."

"Coach, I made a fucking fool of myself this weekend. My best friends hate me. My crush knows they're my crush. I can't get through this!"

"Then don't." He shrugged and stood up, "You're a senior, finish school and move onto the next thing. Just live." He patted my shoulder, "Now get out, I have to lock the rink up."

I let his words sink in as I drove.

And somehow, I pulled in front of Sydney's house.

I can't stand to be ignored by my best friend for another second.

I looked a the driveway as I pulled up, Mr and Mrs. Wyatt were both gone. But Syd's car was there.

I went up to the door and knocked.

I haven't knocked on their door since middle school.

But we're in a fight.

Tucker opened the door, "Why'd you knock?"

"Syd's mad at me."

He pulled the door open and stepped aside, "Oh I know. She doesn't want to talk to you."

"Well, that's too bad."

He closed the door behind me and shrugged, "If it gets physical, call for Millie."

Their golden retriever.

"Sydney?" I knocked on her already cracked bedroom door and stepped inside, "Can we talk?"

She sat up straight on her bed. She stared at me for a moment before moving her books and gesturing to the bed.

I sat next to her, taking her hands in mine, "I am so sorry, Syd. I have no excuses of why I said those things besides me taking my anger out on you. I love you dude." I felt the tears in my eyes, "And I didn't mean those things, okay? I can't handle this. I can't not be around you, talking to you dude. We're Syd and Nat. People wanna be us so bad, man."

She shook her head and looked down, trying to hide her smile.

"I didn't mean any of the things I said. The mean things. Obviously Patty loves you." I squeezed her hands, "I hate fighting."

"Me too." She nodded and looked back at me, "I'm not mad. Just kinda shocked." She nodded again, "I think Mo deserves the biggest policy. And Scarlett's never gonna talk to you again."

I groaned and laid back on her bed, letting myself fall off the edge and onto the floor, "My social life is over."

She snorted, "Please! You're Natalie Wilson. And you're a bad bitch with a black eye. Get your head out of the gutter."

"You sound like my coach."

She took my shoes off for me, "I was about to order pizza."

I looked up at her, rolling onto my back, head resting on the carpet, "Domino's?"

"Frezco."

"I'm staying."