Back To December

15.

"Z is getting the cab. Liam will be here tomorrow but we both know it's been months since he's seen Z so we will probably be tourists so we don't hear what they get up to. The next day your mum and Jay will be here and we can all unpack. Then..."

I put my hand over Niall's mouth. "I know the plan Ni. We start classes in 3 weeks. Let's just grab our bags and go."

We follow the signs toward baggage claim and wait for the luggage. I see Zayne's bag first so I grab his black duffle bag. What the hell did he pack this thing is heavy as shit? I grab my blue one and then wait for Niall.

The note seems to get heavier in my pocket.

I'm proud of you.

I'll never forgive myself.

He misses me.

The writing I recognized instantly. Only one person had that chicken scratch handwriting that was barely legible. It meant so much more than he probably ever intended. I knew I was messing up. No 18 year old goes to parties every weekend and gets plastered. No 18 year old sleeps around with anyone who offers seeking the same connection he had with his ex boyfriend. I'd tried so hard to give Ed what he wanted but the moment he said I love you, I panicked. No one could love me. They'd always leave me. So I left before I could feel that pain.

I look at Niall who is bouncing up and down because he finally found his bag. I smile sadly again realizing what I'd put him though. I didn't trust anyone after Louis left. I didn't tell anyone what happened, not even my 3 best friends who begged to know so they could help me. I didn't want them to leave. People who love you always leave right? I sigh standing up and walking towards the exit.

"You can't be here! How did you even know where he was?"

Zayne's voice booms from the sidewalk. He's standing next to a cab as Niall and I walk out. Who is he talking to? I can't see the guy really at all. He's wearing a beanie, sunglasses, a hoodie and his back is towards me. If I didn't know any better it almost looks like Louis from behind. He can't be here though. That would be crazy.

"Babe. Come on. They're waiting."

I drop the bag. Eleanor. She looks older and her hair is longer but it's definitely her. Zayne looks over at me at the same time Eleanor's friend did.

"Louis."

It's not a question but a statement. The whole world stopped. No one else was there at the moment. He was thin. His clothes seemed too big and he had tattoos now. Eleanor was grabbing his hand but he didn't move.

"Harry." His mouth moved but I don't think he said the words.

"Just give him your phone number babe. We're going to be late." Eleanor tugs at his hand again as I reach the three.

"H. We gotta go. Get in." Zayne already has the bags in the trunk and Niall has already climbed in the back seat. When did he get here?

My eyes stay on Louis. He looks like shit. He tugs away from Eleanor and his eyes look me up and down. I pull my phone out of my pocket and the piece of paper falls to the ground. He picks it up and hands it back to me careful not to touch my skin in any way.

"H." I turn and look at Zayne. "Be careful."

Louis lets out a shaking breath. "Please."

Zayne puts his hands up and shakes his head getting in the cab. The slamming door seems to echo louder than it should. I open my phone and hold it out for Louis.

"Just put your number in Louis."

"I deserve that. Seattle is a fun town. You'll love the ferry."

That was 6 months ago.

My phone buzzes and I stand up quietly opening my bedroom door. Zayne is out with Liam since he's visiting for the weekend. Niall is in the room next door probably doing homework. I am careful where to step so the floor doesn't make any noise. I open my front door and smile at him. I grab his shirt and pull him to me for a quick kiss.

He follows me back to my room. We've learned where to step and what times work best for him to come over. The boys wouldn't understand and they most definitely wouldn't approve. It had been unavoidable. It was like it was meant to happen from that very first day. Once we are inside my room and he locks the door he pushes me against the wall.

"I've missed you."

I smile against his lips. "We went to the lighthouse yesterday."

He nods. "Mmm yes but I didn't get to do this." He grabs my chin and kisses me hard.

"Yeah that was a shame." I catch my breath when he pulls away. His lips are swollen and I'm sure mine are as well.

He rests his forehead against mine and runs his fingers through my hair. "Stop talking and kiss me you fool."

I grab the back of his neck and pull him closer to me. I jump wrapping my legs around his waist. His tongue enters my mouth and I suck on it hard earning a moan from him. His hands roam down my body and mine push the jacket off his shoulders. He pushes my shirt up and tosses it to the floor.

Stop.

I ignore the voice in my head. I can't stop. I don't want to. He doesn't want to. We both know we shouldn't do this. We both know it's wrong. Neither of us care.

He holds onto my thighs as he turns and carries me to my bed. I toss his shirt over his head and kiss down his neck. I run my tongue over the words he has tattooed.

It is what it is.

He kisses the two swallows I got tattooed on my chest months ago. He had been with me. One for him and one for me. When I had gotten home the boys questioned it but let it go when I gave them some explanation about the birds being free or something.

KNOCK KNOCK!

The man on top of me stops. He rests his head on my chest between the birds. I run my fingers through his hair and he relaxes.

"H. I ordered pizza."

"Ni. It's midnight."

He tries to open the door. "So what? Why is your door locked? I'm bored. I want to play fifa."

"I could go for pizza." The boy on my chest whispers.

I look down and smile at him. "Pizza?"

He nods and kisses my chest. For a moment we get lost in each other. His hands roam over my stomach and squeeze my thighs. I know what he wants. He knows I want it too.

"So about 30 minutes?" Niall asks.

I squeal as he bites down on my nipple. "Hey!" I whisper at him as he smirks.

"I'll be out soon Ni!" I yell to the door.

It's quiet then and I know Niall has walked away.

The weight is lifted off of me and I look into the blue eyes laying next to me on my twin size bed. He draws patterns on my chest randomly.

"They're going to find out soon."

"Nah." I shake my head. "It's our secret."

"Can I stay tonight?" He sounds hopeful.

I groan putting my arm over my eyes. "She will get suspicious."

He pulls my arm away. "She's out of town. Please."

His blue eyes always make me melt. It's why I agreed to this. I wasn't lying when I said it was unavoidable that we'd end up here. He took away the pain. I didn't care if it hurt her. I didn't care if it hurt anyone. As long as I had him everything was okay.

"I love you." I say kissing his lips.

"1. 4. 3." He kisses back smiling.

Louis had come back into my life like a wrecking ball.