Back To December

7.

2 months.

School has started back up from winter break now. Louis hasn't called. He hasn't texted. He hasn't chatted with me online. We've both pulled away from our friends. We don't hang out with them at the same times. Niall has asked over and over everyday what happened. Liam has tried to be there for both of us just like Zayne. Liam's told me that Louis is hurting that he's not himself but it doesn't change anything. Zayne has told me that whatever happened maybe it's for the best. Eventually I just kept telling everyone I was busy or I didn't want to hang out.

I walk into the freshman hallway and see Niall standing at his locker. Honestly, I have missed him. I walk up to mine and open it without talking to him.

"I have a note for you from Zayne." He says handing me the paper.

I feel bad for cutting off my friends, Louis friends. It just got hard with them asking what's wrong every minute of every day.

"Ni. I'm sorry."

"Just tell me what happened. You and Lou both have just...what happened?"

"I wanted more. I was falling for him Ni. He didn't want it."

He shakes his head. "I don't believe that. Not for a second."

"Well believe it." I slam my locker. "He hasn't even spoken to me since so..."

The warning bell rings and he looks like he has a lot to say. Instead he just says "I'm sorry H. I'll see you at lunch yeah?"

I nod. I open the note from Zayne and read the words.

H. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve what happened. Meet me before lunch at the stairs. -Z

He knows. Louis told him. Why does he want to meet me though? He normally ate lunch with Louis and the rest of the basketball team. I'd join them and sit next to Louis and he always made sure I was included even though I was younger than everyone else. Zayne never went out of his way to sit next to me. We barely hung out at school at all really, just mainly at Liam's or basketball games. He'd always come and talk to me when coach told him to sit out since I always sat in front.

My first five classes passed quickly and it was time for lunch. We had C lunch so it was the last of the day. I went down the main stairs and stopped when I saw him at the bottom.

"H!" He smiles at me. He's holding a tray which means he's gotten lunch already.

"Hey. What's up?"

"I just figured we could eat in the courtyard today. Talk a bit." I look at his tray and see two burgers, two bags of chips, two cokes.

"You got me lunch?"

He nods. "Come on H."

I follow him through the cafeteria and into the courtyard. He sits down at one of the tables and motions for me to sit across from him.

"Tommo told me." He says taking a bite of his burger.

"He didn't stop me. He hasn't talked to me at all." I say eating my chips.

He nods. "He's scared. Not everyone can be as open as you or me."

My eyes widen. "You're..."

"Dating Liam...yeah. Tommo doesn't know that he just knows I'm out. He asked me for advice."

"Advice about?" I was curious now.

"Coming out. He's scared and believe it or not he misses you."

I shake my head picking up my burger. "He could just talk to me."

Why couldn't he talk to me? Why could he talk to Zayne but not me? I could help him. I could be with him. I love him. I've always loved him. He promised always to take care of me all those years ago.

"This is a journey he has to take himself. Liam has taken it. I've already taken it. You've taken it. He's got to come to terms with it himself."

"What if he doesn't?"

"What if he does?" He counters back. The bell rings for lunch telling us to go to class. "Look H. You have Liam and I alright? You've said what you needed to say. I know you love him but don't wait for him. Live your life and have faith that one day he'll come to you and then after you've both come to terms with everything maybe you can try again."

I stand and throw away my burger wrapper and chip bag taking my coke with me. We walk through the cafeteria and I see Louis across the room. He's sitting on the cafeteria bench and he looks hurt when he meets my eyes.

'Haz.' He mouths.

I look back at Zayne and Liam who are holding hands waiting for me. They have theater class with me next so we always walk together. Today feels different though. I know if I turn and go with them it's going to mean more. After what Zayne said during lunch it's a choice. I look back at Louis and he stands up taking a step toward me.

'I'm sorry.' I mouth the words to him.

I walk to Zayne and Liam with a look over my shoulder. Louis looks away from me and walks the other direction. My chest hurts. I sniffle and feel Liam put his arm around me.

"He'll come back H. I know him. He'll come back." Liam whispers in my ear.

I can't force him to come out. I can't go back either. I already made my choice. I won't hold back who I am. I can't.

"I love him Li."

He nods. "I know. When you're ready though I know a guy who might help you move on until Lou catches up alright?"

"Give me a bit yeah?"

"All the time you need."