Not So Alone (West Coast Campus Book 1)

Chapter 5

Noah

"Allie?"

I could hear the sob that left her mouth as she practically ran down the hallway.

She slammed the door in response.

I deserved it.

She asked for them to meet outside, and then they barge through her home.

And I'm a royal dumbass for not telling them to leave after she told them too.

I should have seen the way her lip wobbled, how her face became green, how her hands shook, how her breathing became distant like it did at Shaw's.

She was having a panic attack. Alone.

Because of me.

I immediately rang Seth, not having Kyla's number.

"We just got here, you little shit. What do you want?"

"Allie. It's Allie. She's having a panic attack in her room."

"Oh, fuck." There was shuffling, a door close and then Seth began talking again.

"What triggered it?"

"Jack, Nolan and Sam came over. They were supposed to meet me outside the door to drop off coach's equipment they borrowed because they wouldn't see him for a few days."

A beat of silence.

"Ah, fuck."

I didn't speak. To guilty. Ashamed. I should have kicked them out for sooner than I did.

"Your dead, Noah. Your fucking dead. You actually let three, big hockey players inside? Can you hear her? You need to calm her down or she's going to faint with herself locked in."

A surge of fear flashes through me as I listen to Seth's instructions as I move myself closer to her door, hearing her struggle to catch her breathe.

"Allie? It's Noah. I really need you to take a breathe for me. Can you do that?"

There's a retching sound coming from the other side, which I assume is her throwing up and some mumbling.

"She's not answering her phone. Let me talk to her." Seth says, his voice breaking very slightly as he reminds me he's still here.

Allie must hear him as the locks on the other side click, and the door flies open, a hand already stretched out towards me.

She's pale and green at the same time, tears building her behind big eyes. Her whole body seems to shake as she drags her eyes to meet mine and I think my heart cracks at the ways she's looking at me.

Like she's gone. Like there's no life left in her.

Snatching the phone from my hand while her other grips her shirt around her chest like it's to tight, she stumbles back into the room, completely forgetting I am here.

I should give them privacy, space, but I can't help but feel a nag in my chest as I watch her struggle to breathe.

And I don't know what to do about it.

"Hey Al," Seth starts, using the most gentle voice I've heard from him, "Can you take a breathe?"

She does, and exhales.

"Good. Now, tell me about-"

"I really need you here. Kyla too. I was so scared."

Her voice breaks and shatters.

She brings a hand up to her mouth to cover a sob.

The tears she fought so hard moments ago fall.

My fists clench.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry we aren't there. Tell me about your meet against Seattle next weekend. I heard you're competing all four events, right?"

I watch as Seth's words calm her, and then Kyla is there speaking to her as well.

I watch as the two of them ground her, tether her.

And in that moment, I realize how much they care for Allie. How much she means to them. How much they would sacrifice for her.

Almost three hours later, she's finally asleep after fighting it for so long, her eyes barely open for the past hour. Kyla and Seth, oblivious that she has dozed off, are fighting over who's ass is bigger.

"Hey, guys. She's asleep."

That shuts them up.

"When was the last time she ate?" Kyla asks quietly, like she's scared of the answer.

I think about it.

I haven't actually seen her eat a lot so I inform them that the last I saw she ate half a taco.

"Can you make some dry toast for her in the morning? I know she wakes up earlier than you-"

"I'll do it."

"Call me if she needs anything, okay? Anytime during the night."

I've known Kyla over three years and I've never heard her so concerned, so emotional.

"Of course."

"Thank you. We'll see you in a few days."

After Allies reaction, I find myself more drawn to her, more curious maybe.

But I have never felt so helpless as I watched Seth calm her down over the phone, while I was standing right there, 10 feet away and I couldn't help her.

That will never happen again.

At around 3:30, there's screaming.

And then there's heavy footsteps and a door slam.

Unfortunately, it's happened every night I've been here.

But tonight's the night I decide to try and do some thing about it.

Padding to the next door down, I turn the handle slowly, surprised it's not locked.

The lights are, illuminating Allie sitting on the bed with a bucket in her lap, her fingers drumming against it.

"Allie? Is everything okay?"

Her head snaps up and there's a hiccup followed by,

"Noah?"

My brows furrowed just slightly, as I'm standing right in front of her.

"Yeah. It's me. I was just wondering if your alright."

Silence stretches on so long I don't think she's going to reply but she does.

"No. But I will be."

"Do you-" I clear my throat "- want to talk about it?"

"No." She replies before I've even finished speaking.

"Goodnight, Noah."

And that's my cue to leave.

I wake up 20 minutes before Allie at 7, grabbing the two pieces of toast I threw in the toaster just before Allie comes out with her backpack.

"Kyla said this might help."

I push the plate towards her, and she blinks.

"Oh. Thank you. I appreciate it."

"No problem."

Taking a slow bite of the toast, she looks deep in thought until she asks,

"I was wondering if you could, um, pick-pick me up from campus after your done practice? I-I don't like to drive at night but I am more than willing to take the bus if you have plans."

I raise an eyebrow.

"I'll meet you at the coffee shop after practice."

Her eyes went wide, obviously surprised by my answer.

"O-okay. Thank you. I'll see you later."

And then she's out the door, leaving with only have taken one bite of the toast.