FAT and in Love

Chapter 44: Primal

Jesus Christ not again.

The ginger beer felt so good hitting my stomach. The fizziness sliding down my throat felt soothing and the sugar in it made me feel as though I ate something.

"Are you okay". Lacie asks softly. Even though I'm feeling like this I can detect that she actually cares. Her concern feels genuine and not like she's kissing up to me.

I want to tell her I'm all right, but even when I make the motion to open my mouth, I can feel as though something is going to come out.

I try to sit still and focus with my eyes closed.

My insides feel like a volcano and suddenly I have the sensation of the ginger beer making its way back up my throat.

"Uhhh, fuck," I manage to get out as I run as fast as I can to my master bathroom to throw myself over the toilet and hurl.

It didn't even feel like I drank that much. The ginger beer bottle had not been that big but for some reason what's coming out of my stomach feels like it's three times the amount

"Hey," I hear Lacie behind me.

Why is she here? For some reason this feels like a very intimate thing, me hanging my head over the toilet on my knees completely at the mercy of the contractions of my wayward stomach.

Does she really expect me to answer her while I'm throwing up my guts?

"Lacie please leave me the fuck alone," I manage to get out in between my retch.

I think she leaves because when I momentarily look behind me she's no longer there. Thank God. I'm grateful that she brought the ginger beer but a part of me regrets her being here.

I don't like people seeing me like this.

I sit on the floor beside the toilet for a while waiting to see if it's over.

I close my eyes and I remember my mother with blood dripping down her face. My stomach tightens again and I retch once more. Surprisingly, even more liquid comes out of my stomach but it smells exactly like ginger beer.

"Nick?"

Fucking hell Lacie is back. Why can't this girl take a hint?

She strolls into the bathroom and stands next to me. Invasion of personal space much?

For a while, I realize I'm dry heaving, and after the convulsions stop, I sit there catching my breath. Jesus this is so embarrassing

"Oh my god, Dominic. I think we need to get you to a hospital."

Her words send a sudden chill through me, and fear grips my heart tightly.

"No," I reply, my voice coming out weaker than I intend.

"Yes! Dude, when is the last time you actually kept anything down? Before I left I heard you puking and that was earlier today. Have you eaten anything?"

"Lacie..." I start to plea with her.

"Dominic seriously, you have nothing in your stomach."

THAT'S what she's concerned about? Nothing being in my stomach?! I think to myself that maybe if she was more concerned about things not being in her stomach she wouldn't be so overweight.

"Why is everything about food with you?" I snap at her, my voice filled with uncharacteristic irritation.

In my normal state of mind, I would have caught myself, filtering out such a thought before it spilled out through my lips. But right now, my filter is definitely broken, and everything— including my insides—feels like it's spilling out uncontrollably.