Friends Before College

chpater 12- I Tried

[A week later]

Jade's pov♧

Spider has been adjusting to her new home nicely and my parents are coming to visit for Christmas,I've had urges to self-harm recently but I fought them the best I can.

Carmen and I were at spider's vet appointment to get her checked.

I was nervously tapping my fingers,I've grown attached to animals and they usually don't make it especially when their strays.

"She'll be fine Babe." Carmen comforts me and I take a deep breath.

we soon get called in and the vet takes spider's blood to test for parasites and worms her.

The vet soon comes back with the blood test results.

"She's as healthy as a horse,you guys are good to go,Just give her half of what you're feeding her." the vet explains and Carmen nods.

I've been zoned out for the entire check up,spider was in my lap purring which was calming me down a bit.

"Jade,Jade...Jade!" Carmen shouts while waving her hand at me pulling me out of my trance.

"Let's go she's all good." she reassures me and we leave.

♧♧♧

"Jade you've been zoned out the whole day what's wrong?" my girlfriend questions me as I lay next to her in bed.

"Nothing,just thinking." I reply flatly and Carmen gives me a worried look.

"Alright if you say so but remember Jade you can talk to me." Carmen reminds me before getting up and walking down stairs with spider following her.

Do it, do it again,just one more time.

I feel like my body's moving on its own,I can't stop myself.

I look over at my bathroom door,it wouldn't hurt anyone right?

This is the last time right?

I get up and walk over to my bathroom.

I dig through the drawers,The scissors stare at me taunting me.

I stare at my wrist and then back at the Scissors in my hand.

Just one line couldn't hurt.

I wasn't thinking,one line turned to two and two turned into four.

I watch the crimson of my being seep out of my arm.

I drop the now bloody Scissors in sink and start to sob.

"Damn it Jade,you worthless peice of shit,you couldn't stay clean not even for a few months?" I degrade myself.

I fucking hate this feeling,I grab a towel off the rack and wrap my arm with it.

"Fuck it stings." I groan between sobs.

I scream in anger at myself,I was going so good,why relapse?

What will Carmen think? what will my parents think?

I sit on the bathroom floor as the white towel turns a light red.

Just then I see Carmen looking down at me,with worry in her eyes.

"I-I tried Carmen,I tried so hard!" I scream with tears in my eyes

"I know you did Jade and we'll keep trying,don't worry I've got you." Carmen comforts me on the floor.

"We'll get you cleaned and bandaged up and then we can talk through it." she says and I nod.