The Harsh life

Chapter 41

"You can have a long engagement if you want, I'm thinking you can get married maybe next summer." He tells us.

No.

I hate this.

Why can't I do anything I want? Chose something for me?

I'm going to be sick.

I abruptly stand and the three of them look at me.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I lie.

I quickly rush out the doors of the restaurant. I look around, see if I notice anything familiar.

I haven't seen around New York yet.

I look back over my shoulder, No Dom thank god.

I run. I sprint faster than I ever have up where ever the hell I am.

I don't feel to tired, I'm used to running away from problems like this, literally.

It's dark and late but I honestly don't care.

I get to a park and immediately walk through the gates. I stop running and just breathe.

I wander around and just try think of a reason I should go back, there aren't many.

I love my brother and I know he's trying to do what's best for me but he's so damn possessive. I make no decisions when it comes to anything.

He controls everything I do.

By the time I sit down at a bench I feel sick all over again.

Liam knows.

I just want to live my own life, is there something really wrong with that?

I just hate this. I hate it.

I want away from this life, somewhere where I can be me.

****
"Oh you've really done it." Matteo says once I walk through the foyer of the Ricci house.

"I don't want to talk." I say giving Dom a nasty glare for bringing me home when I explicitly asked him not to.

"Well I want to." He folds his arms over his chest.

I attempt to head for the stairs but he blocks them.

"Why did you run away? Do you know how stupid that was? It's late and you just ran away! Anything could've happened to you!" He shouts.

He doesn't shout at me. Ever I think.

He knows I will argue with him so I don't know what he's doing.

"You keep forcing me to do things I don't want to! You're so controlling, I can't make any decisions for myself, I feel insane!" I shout back.

"You are insane!" He shouts.

"You're such a dick." I push at his shoulders.

"And you're not? I've spent my whole life taking care of you. You're 20 years old and you need to fucking act it." He runs a hand through his hair.

"You don't let me do anything! I never asked you to take care of me, I don't need it." I tell him.

"Well you sure as shit can't take care of yourself." He points a finger in my chest.

"Yes I can." I fold my arms over my chest.

Why is he talking to me like this?

"No you fucking can't!" He shouts back.

"If I don't make any decisions for you, you're getting married to old men or you're dating slightly younger ones who are manipulative as fuck and do shit to you like force you into fucking threesomes or foursomes. You're so easy to manipulate that I have to make these decisions so you don't have the worse fucking life possible!"

My jaw hits the floor.

Matteo would never say that to me, ever. So what the fuck has changed?

I slap him across the face and he lets me do it, he could've stopped it if he wanted to.

I turn around and head towards the door.

Dom quickly moves in front of it so I can't get out.

I look between the both boys before making a run for the back garden. Before I even get out of the foyer, Dom is pulling me back and guiding me towards the stairs.

"Just let me go." I beg.

Should've stayed in Italy.

"Amara-" Matteo sighs.

I duck under Dom's arm and head for the door. It's not him that grabs me, it's Matteo.

He pulls me back and I just scream.

I'm done. I need to get out.

"Amara stop please, I'm-" Matteo puts his hand over my mouth to muffle my scream.

He looks so tired.

I cover my face with my hands and let out a heavy sob.

"Come on." Gio says. He picks me up, bridal style and heads for the stairs.

I turn my head into his chest just take him in, I haven't seen him in a while. We're avoiding each other.

He puts me down on a bed and I immediately roll away from him and bury my head in my hands.

He kneels down beside me and holds one of my hands.

I'm unloveable.

I'm going to be alone forever.

"Hey." Gio says. I try to turn away but he stays holding my face.

"No. I- look at me." I meet his eyes and he flashes a small, sympathetic smile.

"Tell me what you need right now, I'll do it for you." He tells me.

"Really?" I ask and he nods.

"I'll do anything for you." He pushes a strand of my hair out of my face.

"I need to leave." I tell him.

"No you don't, you're scared and you want to run." He tells me.

"Did you hear what he said?" I ask and clear my throat.

He doesn't respond, he just nods.

I whimper and turn back to hide in my pillow.

I hate this. Hate it.

"Do you need someone to stay? Because I'm not going anywhere. I'll be that someone if you want." He offers and starts stroking my back.

"Stay." I nod.

He joins me a few minutes later in bed and I snuggle closer to him. This isn't the first time we've cuddled, but also it's the first time I've initiated it.

"Go to sleep, I'll be right here." He kisses my forehead so lightly I can't even be sure he did.

I keep my head on his chest and just wait till my body stops letting me think about my fight with Matteo and go to sleep.