roommates at best

N I N E T E E N

"Are you sure you want to go?" Alex groaned, tilting his head back as he leaned against the kitchen island. I was sprawled out across the couch in the living room trying to convince him to take me to the cave. I told him it was to show the world more of our pda publicity stunt but he didn't seem super into the idea.

"We should stay in tonight and just hang out," he continued, trying to let me down nicely, "We went out a few days ago. I know so many people saw us. You saw those girls in the bookstore."

And that's exactly why we need to go, I thought but couldn't say out loud. I get so jealous so easily and when I realized his affection was only a result of their attention, something inside me went ablaze. I wanted to get close to him and this was the only way I knew how. I hated that it was true but if I couldn't get to him through physical attraction, what else did I have?

"What about them?" I lied. "And besides, that was a few days ago," I looked up at him from underneath my eyelashes, blinking at him from across the room, "and I thought you liked drinking with me."

"Yeah sure until you run to the bathroom and puke your guts out."

Shocked and embarrassed, I threw a pillow directly at his head. He caught it and tossed it back. I somehow managed to kick it across the room, almost knocking over a lamp. Our eyes went from the pillow to each other, followed by an outburst of laughter from the both of us. While I felt like sexual tension was the only thing we had between us, there were moments like these where our chemistry seemed so apparent. It was intoxicating yet frustrating- the sound of his laugh gave me butterflies, but I had no idea if it was only one sided because our whole relationship was built on sexual frustration and lies.

Our laughter faded and he smiled at me. Suddenly growing insecure, I sat up and looked away, reeling in the awkward silence my mind created.

"We can go," he said after a moment. My bright eyes flashed towards him and I questioned if I'd heard him right. He looked down at his watch then checked his phone, responding to a text. When he was finished he looked up at me,

"Can you be ready in twenty minutes?" I had no clue what happened and now I was nervous. I tried to swallow the nerves but instead made it more obvious, so I just nodded and was met with a smile in return.

"Great!" He excitedly flashed all his teeth, "meet me back out here in twenty" and with a wink and a head nod he headed down the hall and to his room.

~

Picking an outfit was harder than I thought it was going to be. I don't know why but I was feeling so nervous, more-so than the last time we went out. Maybe it was that our professional relationship (and let's be honest- our intimate one, too) had grown since then. Or maybe it was that this was my idea because I sort of wanted to seduce him and now I was getting cold feet.

Snap out of it girl, I pep talked myself in the mirror. You're hot, you're cool, you're talented. It's fine.

After slipping into a black long sleeved mini dress, I zipped on a pair of knee high boots. The square neckline of the dress left my chest exposed so I stacked a few necklaces to fill in the space. In an attempt to look like I didn't try at all, I proceeded with my no makeup makeup routine and fixed my hair as best as I could with the remaining time I had left.

Looking at my phone, it had been 18 minutes. How I managed to get it done that quickly was beyond me, but I snatched my purse and skipped out of my room to find Alex posted up by the door. His eyes slowly trailed up from my feet to my face, then back down again.

"...um?" I asked, waving my hand at him. He beamed at me and opened the door.

~

The ride over was quieter than usual, Alex not speaking a word. Upon arrival, we were warned that the rooftop was busy. He gave me a nervous look that said "let's leave!!"

"It'll be good for us," I said, implying our situationship. Honestly, I didn't actually care, as long as I could cozy up to him again. As we ascended the staircase, Alex pulled me close and whispered in my ear for the first time that night,

"You look amazing in that dress by the way."

Walking out onto the rooftop, I couldn't tell what was more overwhelming, the blinding lights or the bumping music. There was a DJ at the far end of the roof controlling the music. A small crowd surrounded him, dancing on and around each other. People were scattered all around at the bars and tables. There was a group in the middle surrounding one really tall guy with blonde hair.

"Oh my gosh it's that Matt??" I asked, pulling Alex's arm as I elbowed my way past all the people. He saw me forcing my way through the crowd and greeted us as we got closer.

"If it isn't the two lovebirds," everyone's focus shifted to Alex and I. Matt stood there smiling down at us, arms folded across his chest, shaking his head.

"Good to see you too," I said, slapping him on the arm. Alex gave him a bro hug before turning to me,

"I'll go get us some drinks," and without any further comment he turned and headed to the bar.

"What's gotten into him?" Matt leaned down to ask before taking a long sip from his cup.

"Honestly," I sighed, "I have no idea. He's been acting pretty distant all day. It's kind of bumming me out,"

I stared off as Matt put an arm over my shoulder, snapping me back to reality.

"Young love," he stared off too.

"Ok now I mean, I wouldn't call it that-"

"Girl," he smirked down at me, "be for real."

We held eye contact for a moment, both of us challenging the other before he laughed and pulled his arm back. He started walking away from the large crowd that had surrounded him and I followed.

"Listen Winona," he said when we were out of ear shot, "Alex is my brother ok, and I'm going to be honest with you, the dude is kind of still getting over a nasty break up." He patted my shoulder, "honestly, he needs some fun and you're probably the best thing for him right now. That being said, he's probably just sad about it. Give him a couple of days, he'll come back around."

"Oh wow," shocked to only now be hearing about this breakup, I pressed further, "I had no idea. Was it bad? How long ago was it?"

"Yeahhh..." he paused, seeming to question how much detail he should give, "it was pretty bad. And it was earlier this year. Zoe and I have been telling him to move on and get back out there. Maybe things are moving too fast for him."

"Moving too fast..." I was scared to ask but I had to, "or not moving at all?"

"Oof so you are into him, huh?" He smirked down at me, teasing but I could tell he cared. "Just let things happen how they do naturally, okay? And it'll all work out. That's the only advice I can give you," he looked around at the people who had formed the crowd earlier. He spoke a little louder, "that and maybe take a shot? What do you all say, another round on me??" His fan club cheered and began surrounding him again. He turned to wink at me but quickly asked,

"Where is he anyway?"

I shrugged, scanning the room. After a moment, I spotted him a little ways away from the bar, two drinks in hand and talking to some girl. My body started to heat up. Suddenly my gaze became a glower and my fists were tightening.

"He's over there," I nodded. Matt looked around before spotting them.

"Ah... I see..."

"Do you know her?" I was trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. He only nodded his head.

"Well? Who is she??" Now I was becoming the jealous girlfriend, even though I had no right to be jealous because I wasn't his girlfriend.

"Ummm..." he hesitated, "that's Bailey..."

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.

"His ex."