roommates at best

E I G H T E E N

We wandered around the bookstore together for a bit, walking hand in hand as he led the way. His hand was strong but he held mine softly. I kept expecting him to let go when he'd stop and pull a book out but he somehow managed to effortlessly flip through the pages with one hand while holding my hand in the other.

"This is actually so cool" He spoke while skimming over a page. To my surprise, it was a book on kinesiology.

"Kinesiology??" I leaned in for a better look. The pages were full of colorful anatomical drawings of the human body alongside lines and lines of informational text.

"Yeahhh," He put the book back on the shelf and continued down the aisle, "I actually studied that at university."

"Wait.. for real?? You didn't just plan on becoming a rapper?"

"No not at all, I actually wasn't really into music growing up. I planned on going into physical therapy," he shrugged, "the music thing kind of just started as a fun hobby but grew into something more and now here we are."

He continued scanning the shelves as we perused the aisles, hand in hand. I watched him as he shared his story with me. His jaw was strong and watching his mouth move as he spoke, I wanted to make-out with him right there in the middle of the store. He paused a few times to give some of the books extra attention and I stupidly felt jealous that his attention wasn't all mine. I noticed the size of his fingers as they pulled book after book off the shelf. I went from watching his lips to watching his hands, strong and solid. I knew how they felt on me, now I wondered how they'd feel inside of me...

For the first time in the whole store, he let go of my hand. He held this book in his left hand and turned the pages with his right. It was a book about giving massages and reminded me of my drunken, shirtless evening in his kitchen (before my shellfish allergy totally ruined the mood). He peered down at the book through his silver rimmed glasses. I watched his eyes search the pages intently. Some of the pages were stuck together and in the span of a second that felt like forever, he brought his hand to his mouth and tapped his long middle finger against his tongue, before bringing it back down to the page and turning it to the next.

Oh my god.

I noticed his mouth moving before he brought his gaze back to mine. I just stared at him in awe, my breathe picking up as I felt a flutter between my thighs. I looked at his lips, realizing they were inches from mine, and could only think about how I wanted them down there. His mouth moved again,

"Winona??" He smiled at me.

Embarrassing yourself yet again. Get it together!

"Can we go look at the art books?" I blurted out. He blinked at me then stood up straight, his smile faltering.

"Oh yeah, for sure." He replaced the book and led the way, this time both hands in his pockets.

I was a little sad wondering why he didn't want to hold my hand anymore but snapped out of it because we aren't *actually* dating so it shouldn't *actually* bother me. I had to keep reminding myself of this, so I repeated it in my mind over and over. Distracted, I almost ran into him when he stopped abruptly in front of the art section. I thumbed through a few books on painting techniques.

"I miss this so much," I shared my thoughts out loud while scanning through the pages.

"Did you paint a lot?" He asked, looking over my shoulder.

"Oh for sure," I laughed a little, putting the book back, "I actually painted a series on sharks for my senior project in college."

He raised his eyebrows so I explained a bit more as we kept moving through the rows of books.

"I minored in environmental science and took a course studying shark ecology in the Bahamas. It was super inspiring so that's what I did my project on."

"Wow," he nodded, taking it in as he looked around the store, "that's actually pretty cool. I never would have guessed you were into something like that."

"And I never would have guessed you wanted to be a physical therapist" I smiled up at him, playfully bumping his arm. We'd been so horny for each other since I moved in, it was nice spending time with him during the day without any drinking. It was refreshing getting to know who he was.

In that moment, he wrapped both of his arms around my waist, pulling me in towards his chest. He smelled fresh and crisp, like pine trees and vetiver, and instinctively I breathed him in. My cheek pressed against his strong pectoral muscles, etching the image of him shirtless and in his underwear into my brain. I didn't know what to do while he squeezed me tight, so I just stood there, enveloped in his strong arms. Catching me completely by surprise, he leaned his head down, his lips brushing against my forehead.

"You're so cute," he whispered before gently pressing his lips to my skin. He gave me one final squeeze before unraveling around me, only keeping us connected by our hands.

Though confusing, the moment had my heart thumping in my chest. His warm embrace and gentle kiss had my head in the clouds and I felt like I was floating. I'd had situationships before and casual hookups, but never actually experienced... what was it, romance? I'd experienced the burning desire of being so horny for someone that you just want to jump their bones every time you see them, but I never experienced actual romantic feelings for somebody, and having someone feel the same way. But now, with Alex, I was experiencing both from one person. I craved his affection and validation and as we spent more time together, I was left desperate for more.

As I followed behind him, still dumbfounded and high on feelings, I heard quiet giggling in the corner of the store. My head turned immediately, and I saw a group of three girls, huddled together, phones pointed in our direction.

"Let's get out of here," Alex whispered in my ear as he began pulling me towards the door.

That's when I realized where the sudden forehead kiss came from. It wasn't some cute display of affection or confession of feelings. It was because, in an effort to boost his album's sales, we had to put on a show. Nothing else.

My heart sank for a moment, but I remembered that I had agreed to go along with it. I tried my very best and tabled my emotions for the time being. If a show is what they want then a show is what they'll get.