Forever Connected

Run

For the rest of the ride, we drove silently. I need to be tough. I have to be tough. No more breakdowns, no more letting anyone in. I'm fine alone and I'll prove that today.

"Are you ready to get out?" Oliver asks as he parks the car.

I don't answer him, instead grabbing the door handle ready to bolt out of this car as soon as possible. I don't want to be stuck here any longer than I need to and sitting still for so long always makes me fidgety and nervous.

"Alex, hold up. I want to walk there with you alright? Just wait outside of the car" Oliver says, making me freeze with my foot half out the door. I don't really know how to respond, nor what I want to do. I could be defiant and keep going, or I could stay. I do really need new clothes so maybe going wouldn't be the best option in case he gets upset at me. "Please kid?" he continues in a sweet voice when I don't respond.

I look over at him and nod my head slightly. I don't have the effort to speak anymore. I move out of the car and wait right near the front like he wanted me to while he grabs his backpack from the back. He grabs some other things from the glove compartment which I am not entirely paying attention to, finding the floor a lot more interesting.

"Ready?" Oliver asks from in front of me, practically making me jump out of my skin. I need to stop zoning out around people.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with" I respond to him before starting towards to doors

———

I head to yet another store not finding much that I like in there. Don't get me wrong I don't hate my body but I also don't want my scars shown off by everyone, may those scars be self-inflicted or not. However, everything that seems to fit me always wants to show off all my skin.

"Alex, for the last time please stop walking out of the stores alone. It can be dangerous here." Oliver tells me

"Fuck off, will you? I know how to take care of myself so stop treating me like I'm a baby!" I snapped at him, making people stare.

I start to storm off before feeling a hand around my wrist quickly making me feel tense and my breath hitch, only to turn and see Oliver grabbing me.

"Alex, I need you to wait, kid," he tells me sympathy but I don't care right now.

He's touching me. He is making me stay. I know I was being a bitch but this is how it always starts. they act nice, then they start to grab you, and then the next thing you know they are hurting you. Why the fuck did I let my guard down. If I never let it down this wouldn't hurt. Why did I think this would be any different?

I quickly pull my arm away and run as far as I can before slipping into the women's bathroom where I know he can't go. I run into an end stall and slide down against the wall feeling as the tears fall down my face.

"Are you alright?" I hear an older woman say from outside the stall seeing her bright blue shoes.

"y-yeah, sorry" I stutter out between gasps.

"Now there is no need to be sorry dear. It's all but natural to cry. You don't need to tell me why you are, but if you want to I'm right here for you" she says softly.

I don't know what comes over me but I slowly stand up and open the door to be met by a woman who looks to be around her late 60's with short curly peppered hair. She gives me a soft smile before leading me over to a bench near the front of this far too-fancy mall bathroom. I take a seat and she begins talking to me.

"Take a few deep breaths, alright love? Just try to calm down for now".

I don't know what compels me about this woman, but I do what she says and start to work on my breathing. She looks through her pocketbook and hands me a pack of tissues.

"Would you like water darling? Or a Lollipop? I have a bottle and some candies in my bag." She tells me holding up the items.

I slowly take the water from her, opening it and bringing it to my lips with shaky hands. As I do so I see her setting the lolly pop down beside me.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on hun? I promise I won't judge"

this lady gives off what I would assume to be the love of a grandmother. She has something to her that just makes you want to spill all your guts to her, and that's just what I do. I tell her about how I ran away from Oliver, about moving here, how I'm so scared that Tyler will hate me like he did when we were kids, how I just end up destroying everything around me and become a burden to everyone in the end. And she just sits there and listens until I'm finally done.

"You are going through a lot, honey. It makes perfect sense to be so scared of what's to come. It's all new and confusing. And it does sound like Tyler is trying, which is a really good thing, but it's understandable the past can't just disappear. It's hard to move past things that haven't been addressed properly, or even have had the time to process, especially with how much you've had to go through. And darling, you're not a burden and you don't destroy things. Kids are learning to navigate this big scary world and it's meant to be their guardian's responsibility to guide them through that. You can't be expected to get everything right when you've not only lacked that figure to guide you but also been shoved into so many things that even an adult wouldn't know how to deal with. The people in your life are meant to love you darling, and people that love you shouldn't see you as a burden"

I just nod my head feeling my hands begin to shake again. Everything she says makes sense, it makes it feel a little less crazy. But it sure doesn't make me feel right in my actions, and even if everything she says is true I can't fully believe that can I? I mean sure everything she said might be the case for other people but everyone in my life, even those who say they love me, sees me as a burden, and I know I'll never be wanted like other people are.

"Now about Oliver, I'm sure he's worried sick about where you are right now," She says breaking me out of my thoughts

I simply shrug. I honestly don't know if he is. Maybe if I was gone from his and Tyler's lives they could be happy again.

"Here love, this card has my number on it, both business and personal. It's for my therapy office. If you ever need anything just give me a call alright? It will never be a burden"

I look up at her having it all finally click. She's probably a great therapist, she cares for people a whole ton, and you can hear it seep from her voice with every word she says. "

Why don't you and I head to security and try to find Oliver alright? I won't leave until you want me to".

I look up at her gratefully. Hopefully, Oliver won't get too mad if she's there. I really am not looking forward to the probable beating I'm about to get. It was nice not being in pain at least for a little while———"You aren't lost, you're just in an uncomfortable stage of your life where your old self is gone but your new self isn't fully born yet. You're in the midst of transformation." –Marcos Alvarado