"Okay, I know you're not alright, but can I at least ask if you wanna talk about it?"
Lauren paused and glanced at Sade before trailing her eyes to the floor.
"I'm okay," she muttered. Though she saw Sade's doubtful head tilt and unfooled body language, she acted as if she didn't when looking back up. "Can we go upstairs? I think I just want to go to bed..."
Sade eyed her, then nodded calmly,
"Come on, let's go."
She stood behind Lauren and followed her as she used her crutches to go upstairs.
Now hugging up to each other in bed, Lauren's head rested on Sade's chest as their joined hands rested atop her stomach. Sade's fingers massaged Lauren's scalp with her other hand as they laid there in silence. The only sound accompanying them was Louis Armstrong's 'La Vie En Rose' playing on the TV that hung on the wall.
They'd been lying in comfortable silence as Lauren gathered her thoughts and Sade patiently waited for whatever Lauren wanted to do; whether it was to talk, sleep, or go somewhere, she'd be there.
Fear from a whirlwind of what if's paraded around Lauren's head, almost mocking her. Saying things like 'I told you so,' 'you should've known better,' 'you idiot,' and 'you deserved it,' they just wouldn't stop. And she felt herself being tugged, like even the positive thoughts she'd tried to use to fight the negative ones, were lies she'd been telling herself; a state of pure delusion.
If she started talking to Sade about how she felt- which she wanted to- she would then have to reveal that she'd been abused by him. The very thing she'd been dreading ever bringing up to her lover.
She was starting to feel trapped, and suffocated. By everything Micah had done to her, feeling unsure of her future with Sade if she told her everything, and how this all could affect her career. And to top it all off, she felt as though she couldn't say anything to anyone about it, and that she'd be stupid to think anyone would listen, understand, or even care.
After a while, Sade heard sniffling against her chest, making her glance down at Lauren with knit brows. The hold around her midsection had tightened just before she heard quiet crying.
"Are you sure you don't wanna talk babe?" Sade whispered. "I understand if not, but I need to ask..."
For a bit, Lauren hadn't given a verbal response, but she'd begun to cry harder, shaking her head against Sade's chest. Not really sure what to do, Sade wrapped a hand around to rub Lauren's back while taking the other from her hair to rest atop her girlfriend's head.
"I need to tell you something..." Lauren sat up slowly with a huff, and dragged her hands down her face before looking at Sade, whose head had tilted. Glossing over again, Lauren's eyes trailed Sade's features as her head tilted as well. "But I'm scared," she whispered.
"You're scared to tell me?" Lauren nodded, dropping her head with her quivering bottom lip tucked in. "Why?"
"Because, I..." Sade scooted closer to Lauren and took both her shaky hands to hold. Tucking a strand behind her ear, she then looked into her eyes, encouraging her that it was okay to continue. "I don't want to change how you see me... I don't want you to stop loving me.... or to leave me..."
Though now growing worried and uncertain in response to those words, Sade persisted in her calmness.
"Honeybee, I'm afraid you're stuck with me, love. You could tell me right now that you murdered someone, and I'd help you hide the body-" Lauren exhaled a laugh, then sniffled. "I'm sure you had your reasons..." Not saying anything, Lauren simply gazed at Sade, the wariness glossing her eyes again. Sade's eyes then widened. "Wait... did you?? Holy shit, you ki-"
Chapter 73
Start from the beginning
