Sanscest Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes

I was bored :/

——————

Killer: Croissants: dropped
Dust: Road: Works ahead
Cross: BBQ: on my titties
Nightmare: Shavacado: Free
Horror: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Error:
Error, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

——————

Killer: Why are you on the floor?
Horror: I'm depressed
Horror: Also I was stabbed, can you get Dust, please?

——————

Blue: Dream, keep an eye on Ink today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Dream: Sure, I'd love to see Ink get punched.
Blue: Try again.
Dream, sighing: I will stop Ink from getting punched.

——————

Cross: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Dust: ...I'm a knife.
Horror, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

——————

*Blue's helping Dream out after he got injured, while the others watch*
Ink: How does Dream look?
Lust: A little better than you, actually.

——————

Killer, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?
Horror: You did WHAT-
Dust: William Snakepeare

——————

*Blue, Dream, and Ink are sitting on a bench*
Lust: Why do you guys look so sad?
Blue: Sit down and we'll tell you.
*Lust sits down*
Dream: The bench is freshly painted.

——————

Killer: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Error: Nope, absolutely not.
Nightmare: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Cross: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Horror: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Dust: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

——————

Ink: How petty can you get?
Blue: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

——————

Dream: Where are you going?
Ink: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I'll decide on the way.

——————

Blue: Are you in love with Horror?
Dust, sweating: ...no.
Blue: Then why do you carve 'D+H' in hearts everywhere?
Dust: ...It stands for... dread and heartache.

——————

Cross: I'm the smartest, wisest person in this group.
Nightmare, crossing his arms: Is your hand stuck in a vending machine?
Cross: I paid for my chocolate, I'm getting my chocolate.

——————

Dream: What's a thot?
Ink:
Blue:
Ink: ... It's a thoughtful person.
*later at the dinner table*
Lust: Here's the salt, Dream.
Dream: Thanks Lust, you're such a thot!
Lust: *spits out water* Pardon?-

——————

Ink: WHY. Why would you give Blue a KNIFE!?
Dream: I'm sorry. He said he felt unsafe.
Ink: Now I feel unsafe!
Dream: I'm sorry.
Dream: ... would you like a knife?

——————

Dream: Time for plan G.
Nightmare: Don't you mean plan B?
Dream: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Blue: What about plan D?
Dream: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Cross: What about Plan E?
Dream. I'm hoping not to use it. Ink dies in plan E.
Error: I like plan E.

——————

Ink: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Cross: You were flirting with Error.
Ink: So what? He's my boyfriend.
Cross: You asked him if he was single.
Ink:
Cross: Then you cried when he said he wasn't.

——————

Nightmare: Where's Killer?
Cross: Doing stuff.
Nightmare: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Horror?
Cross: Trying to stop Killer. From doing the stuff.
Nightmare: And Dust?
Cross: Trying to stop Horror from stopping Killer. From doing the stuff.
Nightmare: I see. And what are you doing here, Cross?
Cross: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Dust from stopping Horror from stopping Killer. From doing the stuff.

——————

*Shopping*
Blue: *Scanning the shelves*
Blue: *Looks around, then at Ink* Have you seen my husband?
Ink: *Shakes his head*
Blue: MARCO!
Lust, from nearby: POLO!
Blue: That came from the wine aisle, didn't it?

——————

Nightmare, looking through the crowd: Shit, we lost Cross again.
Killer: Don't worry. I've got this.
Killer: *Takes deep breathe* WATER ISN'T WET!
Cross, in the distance: KILLER, YOU LITTLE SHIT-
Nightmare: Oh, that worked. But, you're dead.