Hunting the flame

CHAPTER 5: SHADOWS OF THE VEIL(2)

I smack the steering-wheel and let out an internal groan, and then get out of the car. He's still standing there, leaned against a tree, smoking a cigarette.

"Those cause cancer" I eye the cigarette "but that would actually work in my favor so continue smoking" I smile. "Look. This body-no body talk is getting lame and boring, so I won't ever talk to you about it. Actually I won't talk to you at all. I'll... drop it" I lie "so don't worry about talking to me ever again because life was so good before meeting you" I say in a rush.

"Mhm" he hums and continues to ignore me.

I basically run out of the scene. I feel frustrated and embarrassed. Life feels so heavy lately and I wish I could just run into Alex's arms and just cry it all out. He would just listen to me and caress me, moving his fingers through my hair and assuring me it will be easier someday. Not better. I hated better. So he came up with easier and happier.

I don't even know if he was my happily ever after because I never like to think that far away in the future, but he surely was my biggest love.

We had fights too. He hated that I was hunting not hunting and that my basement had a hidden armory. He was really against guns, no matter the use, even if they were just a trinket on your shelf. I told him I can't give up who I am and that stopping this would mean burying my grandpa forever, and that was not a step I would ever willingly take. But most of the times all we had was love for each other.

I don't know if I will ever be ready to love like that again. There's no way it will be all sunshine, and considering my luck, there's no way they'll outlive me and that pain is not something I want to live twice.

I shake my head and try to get away from my thoughts because they will only lead to really bad emotions that I don't have time for right now. I get into the class and settle my notebook on the desk, plopping on a seat in the back of the class.

"Hi Maude" Lynn smiles at me and I half smile back.

"Hi"

"You look tired as shit" she giggles and it amuses me how brutally honest she is sometimes.

"Past few days weren't great" I state, admiring the compassionate look on her face.

"I heard about the party thing" she lowers her voice "you killed a goddamn wild ass pig?" her eyebrows raise in shook.

"Well, saying hunting is my hobby is not a really nice way to put out there, so I don't really talk about it" I explain myself, ready to be judged.

"What are you talking about? That just made you ten times cooler" she smiles, an excitement painted on her face.

It's weird and sad how I can't really be myself in front of most of the people because I overthink about their opinion. I always want to seem like I don't really care about what people think or say about me, but I just hate looking vulnerable. I like to think that if I fake it enough it might get imprinted in my brain and I might actually believe it for real.

"Thanks" I chuckle "actually, I was just thinking of going to the carnival tonight, do you wanna come?" I ask her.

"Yes, I would love to. I wanted to go too but I didn't want to go alone" she smiles.

"Great, see you at eight then?"

"Yeah" she nods but we stopped talking as soon as the professor steps into the classroom.

"As we all agreed, this time of the year, I like to sync what we are reading with what's happening outside of these four walls, and that is Halloween. Gothic literature, with the macabre and mysterious tales, had always captivated readers, especially at your age, as it allows us confront our fears and explore the darker corners of human... and not human nature. I hope you all managed to finish reading The Haunting of the Hill House over the summer. Shirley Jackson managed to explore in a mastery way, the supernatural and the human psyche, creating an invisible string between them, making you question what is real and what lies in the realm of inexplicable things" Mr. Allen says, his voice enchanting, making you feel more present.