Insecurity's (english version)

Anger and reproach

Sodo's POV:

In the days that followed, Swiss and I had many conversations, watched movies, or hung out with the others outside. We all needed this break to digest what had happened.

I also spent a lot of time playing the guitar alone, letting out my feelings as I needed to and trying not to disrupt the others during rehearsals. Occasionally, I played songs that we were planning to perform in the next ritual, but it didn't always go well because thoughts of Aether would creep in.

After about three weeks, I started participating in rehearsals for the upcoming ritual again. I was grateful that the others understood when I didn't have the strength to participate fully. It was evident that Aether was no longer with us.

Copia had also seemed to calm down and was now fully engaged in the rehearsals again.

However, with Rain, something was clearly off. He made mistakes frequently, which was very unlike him. Moreover, he would quickly become agitated when it happened. He had never been in such a bad mood before, even when he made mistakes. He usually brought good spirits to the group that rubbed off on the rest of us.

When he got upset again, Mountain finally decided to speak up.

"Rain, it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, and what happened with Aether is tough on all of us. We are a..."

"If Sodo hadn't started all this drama and arguments with him, Aether would still be here!" Rain yelled at him and then glanced in my direction.

"You've ruined everything with your insecurities. You let him down, and now he's gone!" he continued to yell at me.

I was so stunned by the accusations that my mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. It felt like my heart was shattering into a thousand pieces as he blamed me for everything. In a broken voice, I tried to defend myself, "That's not fair, Rain! Aether left of his own accord..." I struggled to get the last sentence out.

The band members stood somewhat helplessly as Rain continued to shout at me and assign blame. Then, I noticed Swiss moving into action. He firmly held both of Rain's arms, forcing him to look into his eyes.

"That's enough, Rain! Sodo is not responsible for Aether leaving, just as none of us are. Come down from your high horse now, or I'll do it for you!" Swiss said sternly.

Rain paused, looked into Swiss's dark eyes for a moment, and then released himself from Swiss's grip.

I turned to leave, about to open the door, when I felt Swiss's warm hand on my shoulder. I turned back to him. He looked into my eyes and began to speak, but I interrupted him, "I can't handle this right now. I-I need just 5 minutes for myself." I said softly.

"Okay, I understand. But if you need anything, please let me know. Alright?" he whispered.

I only nodded my head, and as I turned to leave, I felt the first tears running down my cheeks.

Alone in my room, Rain's words echoed in my mind as I tried various positions in my bed in an attempt to fall asleep. Was it my fault that Aether had left?

It was 1 o'clock in the morning, and I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep alone with these thoughts. So, I got out of bed quietly, not wanting to wake anyone.

My heart raced as I knocked on the door, hoping he was still awake. The door opened slowly, and Swiss appeared in the doorway. He looked so tired, and I felt guilty for waking him.

"Sodo? What are you doing here?" he asked tired.

I lowered my gaze, it felt somewhat uncomfortable to ask him at this hour, but I needed him now.

"Can I come in?" I asked softly. Swiss looked at me with a tired smile, "Come in, little one." We lay down together in his bed, which was soft and comfortable, and in his arms, I felt much better than alone in my own bed.

Gradually, my heart rate began to calm down, and with him, I could just be myself, which was comforting.

"Is it my fault that Aether left?" I asked softly.

"No! It's not your fault. There must be a good reason why he left, but it certainly wasn't your fault," he tried to reassure me with a soft voice.

Somehow, I couldn't fully believe that.

Swiss's POV:

We lay in silence for a while, and I was so grateful that he knew he could come to me when something was bothering him.

Sodo's head grew heavier in my arm, and his breathing became calm and steady. With one hand, I gently stroked his back.

"Sleep well, little one. I love you," I whispered, even though he probably didn't hear it anymore.