✓LOVER BOY | hwang hyunjin

49. Coffee Notes

Yeseul felt a new change inside her. When she looked up at the calendar one winter morning, an odd feeling settled between her eyes. Seven months had passed already.

Ever since she had last hugged her parents, and muttered goodbyes with a heavy heart, so much time had passed. She recalled Hyunjin's fingertips grazing her hands. He couldn't say much, but he held her close, and Yeseul never wanted to let go.

Yeseul was in her dorm room. Her coffee was cold. She winced at the taste. Notes were a scrambled mess covering each corner of her table. She tried shaking the exhaustion from her fingers, but it was of no use. There was a neuroscience book open, with words highlighted that just seemed like a swirl of dreams from past few nights. Yeseul suddenly felt so lost. Her eggshell was cracking, and the sense of security was now falling apart like the fallen leaves outside. She missed home.

"You okay there?" Heidi, her roommate walked in. She pushed the window open, a sharp nipping wind encased Yeseul in a shudder.

"I'm okay." Yeseul stretched her arms out, groaning. She had been working through the whole night. Being driven by caffeine and the fear of lagging behind was not a good concoction.

"You look like you need a nice bubble bath." Heidi settled in a chair, folding laundry that was on her bed. Yeseul smiled at this.

"What's with you and bubble baths? You study neuroscience at Cornell, and recommend bubble bath as a treatment." Yeseul stood up, the chair screeching against the floor. She emptied the cold coffee in the bathroom sink.

"You should try it. All you do is study. You don't even call back home." Heidi followed behind, looking at her through her reflection.

Yeseul stared at her image in front of her. She poked at her skin, the dark circles, and the new pimples. "I look like a complete mess."

"I won't blame you. It's exam season after all." Heidi shrugged, walking towards the coffee machine. "Want a cup?"

Yeseul sighed. "Lemon tea would be better."

"How about," Heidi drew her words out, "you and me... we go out tonight? There is a party taking place at some kid's place."

Yeseul raised her eyebrows at her friend. "I have an essay to turn in."

"I know someone who will help you with that. Forget about it for now. You should start prepping for the party instead." Heidi grabbed hold of her arm, looking at her with pleading eyes. "Please?"

Yeseul chuckled. "You are gonna pay someone to write my essay?"

"Yeah! This guy has been doing it for the last week. Believe me when I say he's crazy good at his job."

Yeseul pondered for a while. "Okay."

"Okay!" Heidi was grinning. "I'll let you start with your self care thing now!"

Yeseul couldn't stop smiling. Sometimes she forgot there was something so little that could pick her emotions up. She pulled her phone out wanting to text Hyunjin. He hadn't been very active since the last few months. He had been studying hard for his job interviews. Yeseul didn't mind the silence. She left him messages despite it all. And sometimes if she was lucky, she would receive her replies within a day. Although these days everything felt different for some reason. She couldn't brush it off, but knowing how hardworking he was, she didn't want to disturb him by calling him too often. Hyunjin would leave her encouraging messages through her exam weeks. Those were the only things she looked forward to.

She scrolled to the most recent one.

hyunjin🤍

hey
I know you are working,
and that's very nice,
but I need you to sleep

I'm almost done :(
I'll sleep as soon as I complete this

love,
you've been working nonstop for 18 hours now
this is not very neuroscience student of you
you are frying your neurons

noob numbers
I can hit 20 hours. watch me

you are worrying me.
I just know you'll suffer from burnout through the whole week because of this

tbh
I do feel a bit shaky
parkinson's can't do shit though
I'm very young

you have premature wrinkles

TAHYS NO WAYBTO TSLK TO YOUR GF

and now you can't even text straight

IM NUST OFFENDED

wishing you luck for today
my sweet smart overworking gf
if I was there I would bring you some coffee

-

This was from weeks ago. Yeseul felt her stomach turn. She missed the time when they used to talk every night.

"This isn't the time to overthink. Get a grip." Yeseul slipped out of her loungewear. The shower head was turned on, and she jumped under the hot water, hoping this would ease some of her nerves for the night.

Later that night Yeseul was in her room, almost drunk. She scrolled through the pictures she and her classmates had taken at the party. Her smile glowed, but deep down Yeseul felt empty. She sighed, checking whether Hyunjin left her any new messages. There weren't any. She decided to text him again.

She sent him a picture. Typing in a message along with it.
"I'm socialising. such rarity!"

Her eyelids were heavy, and a burdening headache seemed to have showed up inside her. Yeseul was asleep as soon as her eyes closed.

-

"Morning." Yeseul opened her eyes, wincing at the bright light falling over her. She stared at Heidi who was looking at her with a smile. "You look like you had fun."

"My brain is dehydrated, Heidi." Yeseul sat up, holding her head. "Did anyone message me?" She looked around, her phone on charge. Heidi must have plugged it.

"Nope." Heidi walked ahead. "Want me to check?" Yeseul nodded, eyes still closed.

"Your mother is saying something about your boyfriend's birthday." Heidi took a sip of her coffee. "Dad sent a thumbs up to the pictures. Jinho needs opinion over his date outfit." Heidi looked at her, smiling. "Your brother finally dated that Japanese girl? That's impressive."

Yeseul sighed. "He and Hana suit well. I'm happy for him."

"No response from your boyfriend." Heidi put the phone on the desk again. "What is he studying for again?"

"He didn't tell me. Just something that he is excited for." Yeseul walked off towards the bathroom to hide her disappointment.

"Aren't you curious?"

This was the first time Yeseul felt a sudden overwhelming sadness wash over her. Her eyes welled and her chest hurt.

She felt like Hyunjin was no longer in her reach.